


Someday We'll Find It

by VulnerableSunflower



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Road Trip, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:54:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21906298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulnerableSunflower/pseuds/VulnerableSunflower
Summary: Gwen and Blake going on a road trip together as friends...
Relationships: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani
Comments: 176
Kudos: 295





	1. The Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first multi chapter story. Chapters will start being a bit longer from now on. Let me know what you think!

Her relationship with Blake has blossomed into something beautiful over the weeks. It’s a friendship that’s made her see the brighter side of what life had to offer. It showed her support, a shoulder to cry on, a person to share laughs with. It’s light and beautiful- it’s exactly what she needs.

  
Most days they share conversations, but tonight they also share drinks. He invited her over to his place and she said yes because she doesn’t have the kids this week. She already feels the effect of her drinks, her head sliding back against the sofa headrest.

“If someone said you only had two days to plan a trip, what would you pack?” Blake scans the side of her face, his question coming out of the blue.

She shrugs, glancing back. “Uhm, probably some clothes and a whole lotta anxiety. Why? Are you planning a trip?”

“Yes, and you’re coming with me.”

Gwen blinks, unsure if she heard him right. “What?”

“I did some thinking last night. The show is over, you don’t have the kids for two weeks, we’re both getting over our shitty marriages and even shittier divorces. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves _here_ , why don’t we do so on the road? An old fashion road trip to wherever the hell we want.”

She stares at Blake as if he grew two heads.

“Blake, are you drunk?” She genuinely wonders. She didn’t even see him drink that much, but maybe he started without her.

“No. I’m being serious.”

“You wanna go on a road trip…. with me?” She looks him up and down, waiting for the shoe to drop, sanity to kick in. “Just the two of us?”

“Why not?” Blake counters, as if it’s the most logical proposal. “We enjoy spending time together, we can use some fun in our lives. Why the hell not?”

“You’re serious.”

Blake laughs. “I just said that.”

“Where would we even go?”

Her mind can’t keep up with him, the thought still a crazy one. Technically she’d be able to get away for a week or so, and she’d be back in time for her children to come home. But this is Blake she’s talking about. Her friend. Her very charismatic, recently divorced, cowboy friend.

“Dunno.” Blake shrugs. “We can figure it out as we go. Our cars have GPS, you know?”  
  


Gwen shakes her head. “This is crazy. You don’t even have a plan.”

“So what?” His eyes show a hint of dare in them. “We’ve planned out our whole lives and look where it got us. Maybe it’s time to do it differently. Just go with the flow and see where it takes us, sorta thing.”

It’s one of the craziest things she’s ever contemplated, especially on such short notice, but she finds herself seriously debating. Her mind slowly changing into Blake’s favor.

“When would we leave?”

  
“I was thinking about tomorrow.”

Gwen’s brows shoot up. “TOMORROW?”

“Let’s not give ourselves too much time to freak out about this. We don’t have to pack too much, we can just keep it simple. We’ll take my truck, all you gotta do is bring your pretty self.”

Gwen snorts. “I wish it was that easy. Don’t think so cowboy, a week on the road with you? I’m gonna need a bunch of clothes, different shoes cause I don’t know where the hell you’re taking me.”

Blake looks at her enthusiastically. “Does that mean you’re in?”

There’s still so much about this trip that she fears, but being alone with Blake has been the only thing that’s brought her joy recently. She thinks she can deal with the conflicting feelings she’s harboring towards the cowboy that’s currently saving her.

“I’m not going camping.” She states determinedly, looking him dead in the eye. “No outdoorsy stuff, unless we’re taking a hike. I don’t wanna sleep outside, I mean it Blake.”

He laughs loudly at that, clapping his hands. “Deal. I was not planning on taking you camping, don’t you even worry your pretty little head about it.”

“I’m _super_ worried.” She counters.

“I can tell. But it will be fun.”

If there’s one thing she can’t fight, it’s that. She knows hanging out with Blake will be fun, maybe even _too_ much fun. She’s still heartbroken, her life is still working out the most dramatic plot of a movie. She’s in no position to be taking trips. But she wants to feel good so badly, wants to leave behind this life that brings her so much pain lately and just enjoy the company of a genuinely good man. If that’s wrong, then so be it.

  
“Fine, why not. Let’s do this.”

Blake’s hand pats her gently on the back, lingering there for a few moments. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before, the lingering touches, but something about tonight makes it stand out to her more. It could be the knowledge that she’ll be cooked up in a car with him for about a week straight, without a solid plan.

“So we’re leaving tomorrow. I should probably let you go and get some things in order. Pack, do whatever it is Gwen Stefani likes to do before taking a trip.”

Gwen scoffs. “Pray. Lots of praying.”

“In bathtubs, I hope.”

She shakes her head, already regretting letting him in on that small, but very important detail.

“There’s still time for me to back out of this plan. Remember that.”

The smile on his face betrays how empty he knows that threat is. She wants to feel bad about that, but she can’t. Not when the company is just this good.

“What do I even tell my family?” She laughs to herself, the whole idea so silly, she can’t think about it without giggling.

  
“Why do we gotta tell them anything?”

“Because I have kids.” She states softly. “I can’t just take off and disappear for a week.”

“Tell them you’re staying with me for a week. Or just tell them the truth.”

“Tell them I’m roadtripping with you, without a plan, for no reason other than us enjoying each other’s company? You know how that sounds?”

The look he gives her shows her he knows exactly how that sounds, his eyes casting downward.

“I know it sounds weird, but it doesn’t feel like that at all. It feels normal to me.”

There’s nothing in his voice but the truth, the words so genuine she feels herself tear up. It’s exactly how she feels too, but there’s too much at stake for her to just go around and admit that as freely as he just did.

She stands up from the way too comfortable couch, her hand touching his shoulder.

“It’s not weird.” She settles on. “I’ll figure it out. But Blake, are you sure you wanna do this? You’re gonna be stuck with me for a whole week, you can’t back out anymore once I’m in that car with you.”

She smiles widely, but she means it. It feels important to give him this last out.

“You’re my best friend, Gwen. Besides, there’s no one I enjoy spending my time with more than you. I’m sure.”


	2. The Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve!

You know we’re only going to be away for a week, right?”

Blake leans lazily against the hood of his truck, unable to keep from laughing at her. She ducks her head as she rolls the large suitcase behind her.

“All these things are necessities, Blake.”

She walks up to where Blake’s waiting for her in her drive. He takes the luggage from her and loads it into the back. It’s not like she couldn’t lift the suitcase into the car herself, but knowing Blake, he wouldn’t let her anyways. It’s been a while since she’s been around chivalry, but she still knows how to appreciate it.

“We’re really doing this.” She whispers to herself, pushing up and into the passenger’s seat.

Unaware of Blake hearing her, she jumps when he chuckles next to her. The door slams shut as he takes his place behind the wheel, his hand on her shoulder.

“You’re still freaking out?”

“Not freaking out. Just surprised.” She responds, giving him a wide smile.

“Surprised is good, right?”

So much of their relationship is built on leaning on each other, she sometimes forgets how much he needs her shoulder too. It’s easy to get carried away by his optimism and confident exterior, but there’s an equally broken and insecure person underneath.

“Surprised is _great_ , cowboy. I’m excited.”

Blake glances over at her. “Ready to get the hell out of here?”

She nods confidently, taking one last look around. She can’t believe she won’t be at her house for a week, while she’ll be spending her time with Blake, driving and _sleeping_...

My god, she didn’t even properly freak out about their sleeping situation yet. They’ll most likely share a room wherever they decide to crash. Blake has stayed over at her house once, after they both got drunk and she offered him the spare room. It had been a bit awkward in the morning, as neither one of them had ever woken up with anyone else besides their exes for so many years. But never has she ever shared a room with Blake and —

“Earth to Gwen, hello.”

She looks over at Blake who’s already staring, smirking humorously.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if you told your family where you were going yet? You sure you’re not freaking out, darling?”

“I told them I’m going on a road trip with a friend.” She says, breaking the silence in the truck. “It’s pretty much the truth.”

“A friend?” Blake smiles, pushing for the final piece of information.

“Lizzie.”

“ _Ah_.” Blake clicks his tongue and she can tell he’s proud of himself for catching her in what he knew would be a lie.

“She’ll vouch for me if they ask.”

That only makes him laugh more, snorting.

She rolls her eyes. “Can we just drive?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Blake says in a high-pitched voice, continuing to tease.

She can already tell it’s going to be a long trip. A long, but completely joyous, incredibly special trip. She hasn’t been this excited to go anywhere in a long time, but she keeps that information to herself. The situation is complicated enough as it is.

As he backs out of her driveway, she looks at him again.

“I know it sounds a bit juvenile.” She refers to the lie she told her family. “In my defence, you didn’t give me a lot of time to come up with anything. It all happened so fast.”

“I’m sorry.” Blake says, and she recognizes the truth in his words with a pang of sympathy. “I got so wrapped up in the idea of a getaway and I just couldn’t see this whole thing happening without you.”

It’s weird how her stomach does flips at his words, something inside her aching for the meaning of them. She doesn’t know if she wants more or less of it.

“It’s okay.” And she means that. “You were right- less time to think this through is probably for the best. I just want to enjoy this.”

“We only just exited your driveway and it’s already my favorite trip I’ve been on in years.”

_More_. She suddenly knows what she wants. She wants more of his words. Much more. She’s a grown up, someone who’s had enough heartbreak to know she deserves better. It’s okay to want kindness and more of his sweet words.

“Wanna play a game?”

Blake’s brows raise. “Already? Aren’t we supposed to wait till we’re at the hotel? Preferably drunk and naked.”

“Blake!” She scolds him. “I’m serious.”

“Sure. What game are you thinking of?”

“Twenty questions. And before you ask, no you don’t have a choice and yes, I will start.”

His laughter is quickly becoming her favorite sound. His hands hold onto the steering wheel tight, and she’s reminded of how much he hates driving in LA. She smiles at him sweetly, trying not to think about all the genuine love welling up in her chest.

“Hit me with your best shot.”

“Favorite holiday?”

“Christmas.”

“Your turn.” She says.

“Worst lie you ever told?”

“That I was going on a road trip with Lizzie.” She smiles, dodging the truthful answer.

“You’re cheating.” He points out.

She ignores it with a giggle. “Worst lie you’ve ever been told?”

“Her wedding vows.”

The amusement she felt bubbling up in her chest seconds before, turns into a pain that stuns her into silence. She recovers quickly, a small but painful smile gracing her lips.

  
He looks at her and she knows he can sense her own heartbreak staring back at him. She’s grateful when he resumes the game without bringing attention to it.

“Craziest place you’ve ever had sex?”

Her eyes widen, her hand covering her glossy lips before bursting into laughter.

“Oh my god, you’re so horrible.” Shaking her head, she slumps back into the seat. “Uhm, I don’t know- the car?”

“The car?” Blake looks at her unimpressed. “And you’re supposed to be the rockstar out of the two of us?”

“Stop being mean to me.”

She can only describe the look he gives her next as pure affection. They can banter all day long, but she knows he’ll never actually be mean to her. Out of everything in the world that she knows can and will hurt her, Blake will always be the opposite. That’s why she loves being around him so much. He’s soft and gentle with her heart and after all the bruises that stain it, it’s the only way to make sure she won’t hurt.

“I apologize, darling.”

”What’s your favorite thing about me?”   
  


  
He pretends to think it over for a while and she slaps his arm in response.

”Your heart. The way you care for people. You have a big heart, Gwen. It’s refreshing to be around.”

It’s no secret it doesn’t take much to make her cry, but she really wishes her eyes weren’t welling up right now. Blake smiles sympathetically.

”Oh and you’re hot. Me and my eyes _love_ that.” 

Her tears make way for a big smile, her snort catching at the back of her throat. 

”Glad to be of service.”

”The best. Mind blowing, Earth shattering beauty.”

They drive for hours, going back and forth between silly games and serious conversation. It’s easy as always, this rhythm they fall into. She tells him about her favorite songs as they scroll through numerous radio stations, and he talks about a road trip he took with Adam once.

“He couldn’t stop bitching about food.” Blake laughs. “The guy is fit as can be, I don’t know where he stores all of it.”

Gwen laughs, the bromance between him and Adam something that never fails to make her happy. She’s incredibly grateful for the support she received from both men, both on and off the show.

“I could actually go for some food now too.” She admits, gently biting on her the tip of her finger while giving him her best puppy dog eyes. She knows she won’t ever have to plead her case with him, but she takes pleasure in teasing him just a little bit.

Blake’s eyes squint as he leans over the dashboard a little, trying to read the sign that’s coming up.

“Next exit, thirty miles.” He reads. “Think you can wait till then?”

She looks around the deserted area they’re currently passing.

“I don’t think we’re gonna find anything here. That’s for sure.”

Blake nods. “There’s a map in the dashboard in front of you, if you want to see where we are.”

Now it’s Gwen’s turn to smile. “A map? What happened to ‘our cars have GPS?’

“I like to have both. It’s called being prepared for an emergency.”

“Emergency?”

“Car breaking down, GPS suddenly giving out, you name it.”

She opens the dashboard with difficulty, her long acrylic nails pretty, but not the most efficient for doing basic tasks. Her eyes scan the map in front of her, eyes squinting as she tries to read the small letters.

“We’re going to Death Valley?”

“We can, or we can take an earlier exit. Where do you want to go?”

Gwen shrugs. “You made weird drawings around Tishomingo.”

Blake’s booming laugh fills the truck, his eyes darting over to where she’s perched over the map. “That’s cause I‘m from there. And I did _not_ make those drawings, you’ll have to thank Adam for that.”

“You wanna go there?”

“To Tish?”

Gwen hums. 

“That’s a solid twenty-two hour drive, and that’s if we’d drive without a single stop.”

Suddenly feeling ridiculous for even mentioning the idea, she brushes it off. She can’t believe she thought going to his hometown was the right move, her cheeks colouring with a pink flush.

“I’m sorry. It’s a stupid idea. I was just brainstorming.”

“No, it’s not stupid.” Blake responds quickly. “I just didn’t expect it.”

“We don’t have to.” She counters even quicker, shaking her head. “We can go somewhere else.”

“I suppose we could go to Tish. We can stay there for a little bit after we get there and just catch a flight back. It’s quicker and that way you’ll be home in time for the kids.”

As simple as the gesture is, it feels nice to have him think about her children. Blake doesn’t even seem to realize how much the sentiment means to her and she bites her lip to keep from speaking a thanks that would make things awkward.

“I like that idea.”

She thinks the sparkle in his eye is one she’s never seen before. But maybe she’s imagining things to make herself feel better. Lord knows she’s done it before.

“Let’s do it.”

She stares out of the window, passing the many miles full of stretches of nature and unpopulated areas.

She feels herself dozing off by the end of it, a bump in the road causing her to open her eyes again. She continues to linger against the car window, the radio softly playing some country tune in the background. He must’ve changed it while she was asleep.

The exit sign appears next- the car changing lanes as she watches some old fashioned diners and motels grace the aligning street.

The sky has gotten a bit darker, the promise of the evening hovering over them. She’s wide awake by the time Blake slows the car down, looking at her over his shoulder.

“Grab a bite and then find a hotel?”


	3. The Drink

“Aren’t we supposed to be in Vegas by now?” Gwen asks.

They seem to have stopped in a deserted, small town. The strip of diners and cheap motels appear to be the only civilized sights. If she were alone, she probably wouldn’t have stopped here. It’s Blake’s calm presence and optimism that continues to make this feel like a good idea.

“We’re almost there.” Blake points out. “We could keep driving if you want. We’d probably get there in an hour if traffic doesn’t decide to kick our asses.”

She’d feel better about staying the night in Vegas for sure, but the grumbling of her stomach reminds her of how much she wants food first. She looks at Blake for help, not the best at decision making. He seems to sense her struggle and nods.

“We can stop here for food and drive the remaining hour. Does that sound like a plan?”

“Thank you, yes it does.”

Blake appears happy with himself to have helped her out and she can’t help but smile. There’s something else in his eyes, that betrays how he feels about her sometimes. She knows he cares for her deeply. The way they’ve helped each other so far, much more meaningful than she ever could’ve hoped for. Blake reached a hand down to keep her from falling too far down that hole. He’s been the only sparkle in her life for weeks. She doesn’t -and _can’t_ \- take that lightly.

The parking lot is empty when they pull up, except for two similar looking trucks. She shakes her head, biting on the tip of her finger when they exit the vehicle.

“We’re gonna die. Just saying.”

“We’ll be just fine.” Blake laughs.

“I’m serious, do you see this place? I don’t want to be mean, but Blake...”

She pouts like a little kid who’s being forced to go grocery shopping and Blake can’t stop laughing. She’s glad _someone_ finds this amusing.

“I thought you were hungry.”

He cocks his eyebrow at her.

“I am.” She eventually relents. “I’m picking the hotel tonight.”

Blake throws both his hands up. “I know better than to fight a woman on that.”

“Good.”

He holds the small door open for her.

The inside of the diner doesn’t even look too bad and Blake shoots her a knowing glance. Aside from the outdated wall paper, the booths are cutely decorated and the waitress approaches them with a friendly smile.

They’re seated far into the back and Gwen can’t help but feel relieved at that. She and Blake know they just need a friendly getaway, but to outsiders, it may not look so innocent. Blake slides into the booth next to her, his large body not allowing for it to happen gracefully. The waitress is quick to take their order and before she knows it, they’re halfway through their dinner and drinks.

“That girl is totally a fan of yours.” Gwen smiles.

“Really? I just thought she liked me cause I’m so damn charming.”

Gwen laughs, sipping her sweet tea. “Maybe you should leave her your autograph when we leave.”

“And my number.”

“Don’t push it.”

Blake’s grin tells her all she needs to know. It shouldn’t feel so good to know he’s only joking, but she files that away under thoughts that need _zero_ attention.

  
“I guess I’ll just have to settle for having Gwen Stefani in the car with me.”

She shakes her head. “How come I never run into fans in random places like these?”

Blake winces awkwardly. “I hate to have the be the one to break it to ya sweetheart, but you actually don’t have any fans…”

She slaps his arm playfully. “Watch it, cowboy.”

Blake’s laugh is heavenly.

“Yes, ma’am.”

They finish the last bit of their meal before tipping the waitress greatly and getting back to his truck. A yawn escapes Blake unknowingly and Gwen suddenly feels bad for making him drive even further.

“Do you want me to drive to Vegas? You’ve been driving all day.”

“Are you crazy?” Blake replies. “I got this. Just relax.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I’m still picking the hotel.”

“As long as I get the larger bed.”

“Don’t think so.”

They both know that he probably will, since his large frame won’t fit anywhere else. She leans against the car window as they drive past the ghostly area, her eyelids feeling heavy again. She’s become no stranger to the exhaustion that found a home in her, but none of the usual heavy feelings are part of her fatigue this time. She feels oddly at peace.

“You know what I was wondering?” She asks.

Blake shakes his head. “What’s that, darling?”

“Since this is a truck…. that has a tailgate….” Blake chuckles at the slow musing she does out loud. “Have you ever slept on that thing?”

He looks at her as he stops for a red light. “On the tailgate?”

Gwen nods.

“I never spent the whole night on there, no.”

“But?” Gwen asks, curiously.

“I’ve spent some time stargazing on there. Can be quite romantic.”

Gwen nods. “With Miranda?”

Blake flinches softly at the mention of her name.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shoots her a grateful smile. “Honestly, those are the good memories. I’m glad I at least have those, you know?”

“Sometimes the good memories hurt me more.”

Blake shares a look with her that affirms his understanding. His eyes linger on her a little longer.

“Somewhere during this trip, we’ll have to stargaze from the tailgate. Make some new memories together.”

“Really?”

She’s shocked to hear him offer that.

“Totally. I can’t have a girl in my truck who’s never spend time on a tailgate before. That ain’t sitting right with me.”

Gwen chuckles. “You’re such a cowboy.”

“Have been since birth.”

They arrive in Vegas a little over ten pm. Blake’s ready to abandon the car and relax for the rest of the night and she can’t blame him. They check into the first hotel they come across, the place buzzing with that famous Vegas excitement. The sounds of too many slot machines is loud to her ears, but it’s appreciated after visiting the middle of nowhere first.

Their late arrival makes it so that there’s only a selected bunch of rooms left. They pass up on the large Suite since there would only be one bed and go for the smaller one. She wouldn’t be able to recall a single feature from the room by the time they head back to the lobby. She barely had a look around as all they did was ditch their luggage and head straight out.

Gwen orders them both drinks, sitting at the bar. She knows he won’t indulge in too much, for many reasons. But she needs this night out more than anyone and he knows it too. Tonight is for forgetting everything else that goes on in her life and simply living in the moment. It’s what Blake has been teaching her to do much more of.

Blake keeps an eye on her after he’s cut himself off after two Martinis. They laugh about the ridiculously spontaneous idea they’re embarking on currently and Gwen only sheds a few tears when she brings up her kids. Blake keeps up with her perfectly fine.

She’s drunk as soon as the clock strikes midnight.

Grateful for Blake’s presence, she leans into his space. She mumbles something she couldn’t even comprehend, but he seems to get the message.

He leads her back to their hotel room, arms intertwined. It’s been too long since she’s drank with this much abundance and her small body can barely handle the intrusion. She rubs her temples while Blake digs around for the hotel key. The door stutters open and Blake laughs softly when Gwen nearly stumbles through the doorway.

She can only groan in response.

“Bed.”

Blake chuckles. “Bathroom first, maybe?”

Crap. She should really at least brush her teeth, get rid of the horrible smell of alcohol staining her breath. She fumbles into the bathroom, holding onto the wall for support. Blake offers to go in there with her, but she brushes off his help.

She’s sure she’s forgetting something, but she doesn’t care. Her teeth are brushed and her face has gotten a quick rinse. That will have to suffice for tonight.

Blake’s waiting on one of the beds, smiling as she walks back into the bedroom.

“All yours.” She slurs while pointing to the empty bathroom.

“Thank you.” He takes another look at her, making sure she’s alright before closing the door behind him.

She lets her back collide with the matrass while listening to the shower running. It’s weird sharing a room with him, but it’s not awkward at all. She thinks she could get used to living like this--having him around all the time. She’s unsure if her thoughts are actual sane ones or the result of her intoxicated state.

She realizes she’s still in her clothes from the day and stumbles towards her suitcase. She rummages around for an outfit to sleep in, but none of it feels good. She must be way drunker than she initially gave herself credit for, cause her body moves towards the luggage next to hers. She pries Blake’s bag open with weak fingers, eyes squinting as she looks around for a t-shirt.

“Gwen darling, what are you doing?”

His voice makes her jump. “Shit.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” He waits a few seconds. “What are you doing?”

“A shirt. I want one.”

“One of mine?”

Gwen nods bashfully.

There’s a stutter in his movement when he gestures for her to go ahead. “Take your pick.”

It takes her a while to find one, but she settles for a red, plaid shirt. He nods at her, still surprised but without the initial shock. He sits down on the bed while she locks herself back into the bathroom, changing quickly. When she walks out again, her hand struggles to button up the last three buttons. She swears loudly and Blake chuckles again.

“Come here.”

She does so immediately. He replaces her fingers with his own, his steady hand much better at completing the task. She tries not to look him in the eye as he buttons the shirt up for her. His finger occasionally brushes with her bare chest underneath, but he doesn’t flinch. She pretends like it doesn’t affect her either.

“All done.” He exclaims.

His hand doesn’t linger a second longer than it needs to. She bites her lip and thanks him hastily. His hands might not have taken the liberty of straying, but his eyes certainly do. It feels good to wear his shirt, but it feels even better to have him take such notice. He can’t seem to take his eyes off her and she doesn’t even pretend to hate it.

“Bed.” She repeats, nodding to herself. “I should get in it.”

Blake laughs again. “You really should.”

She looks behind her to find the single, empty bed. Blake’s already taken claim of his own.

Her body lowers onto the comfortable, white one. She pulls the covers up all the way to her chin, eyes trained on Blake’s body only a few feet away. Her brain can’t keep up with everything and her head feels heavy when it hits the pillow. She inhales the scent of Blake’s shirt as it engulfs her.

She needs sleep. Hopefully by morning, she will have forgotten how badly she wanted to get in bed with him the night before.


	4. The Motel

For a hot second, she wonders if last night was a dream. She remembers drinking a ton of alcohol and giggling like a teenager at all his jokes. She slightly recalls stumbling into their hotel room, but everything else is blurred out. She tries to remember how she ended up in Blake’s shirt, but her head isn’t good for much as it continues to throb.

Blake’s propped up on one elbow, eying her with an amused glance.

“Mornin’, sunshine.”

She groans. “What the hell happened last night?”

Another chuckle from him fills the room.

“Well, let’s see. You got drunk…” He counts the events on his fingers. “Then you went through my stuff and stole my shirt. Oh, and you one hundredth percent said some weird shit while you were asleep.”

Gwen’s eyes widen. “I did not!”

“You did. It was cute though.”

She lays back dramatically, pretending to strangle herself with her pillow.

Not only did she get drunk and embarrass herself in front of Blake, but she also felt genuinely great waking up in his article of clothing. She doesn’t know what the hell that means, but it can’t be anything good.

“Oh come on.” Blake laughs. “It’s not that bad. You had a great night and that’s exactly what we came here to do.”

  
“You barely drank.” She says.

“I have to drive still.” He counters. “Don’t wanna do that with a hangover.”

“Where are we going today?” She asks, sitting upright.

Blake shrugs. “Back on the interstate and see how far we get.”

“Are we still on for Tish?”

She’s still in disbelieve over the fact that she actually uttered that idea. What had initially horrified her, had turned into unrealistic excitement when Blake agreed to it. They’re not going on a simple road trip anymore. Blake’s about to show her his hometown. If she makes that out to be a bigger deal in her head, so be it.

“Yeah. You having second thoughts?”

She shakes her head, forcing herself out of the comfortable hotel bed.

“No. Just checking.”

She realizes she’s quite naked in nothing but his shirt and her panties and blushes. Blake seems to realize this too as he lays back and stares at the ceiling, clearing his throat.

“We’re still good for Tish darlin’. Wanna go get dressed and get some breakfast?”

Her body hurries towards her suitcase, rummaging through it until she finds some fashionable jeans and flowery shirt to match. With the outfit laying across her arm, she makes a beeline for the bathroom. “No, unless you’re super hungry, I thought we could head straight for the road.”

She needs to get out of this hotel, quickly. Being on the road with him seems like the safest place to be right now. At least until she gets her weird feelings in check.

* * *

She’s grateful he’s so focused on the road ahead, he barely has time to look at her. But every time he takes the liberty to do so, something inside her churns. Lately, every time Blake so much as glances at her, she feels it differently. She feels more at home in his presence than anywhere else in the world. It scares her, because with each passing moment she spends in the car with Blake, the less she anticipates going home.

She jumps in her seat when he takes notice of her again. “You’re staring.”

She didn’t even realize she was burning a hole in his cheek until he said something about it.

“I’m sorry.” She looks away quickly.

  
“What’s on your mind?”

Gwen sighs. “I was wearing your shirt last night.”

Blake hums. “You look damn good in it.”

“Blake.”

“What?” He counters.

“Does none of this feel weird to you?”

He whips his head in her direction. “I can’t say it didn’t surprise me.”

“Why didn’t you say no?” She asks.

“To you asking for my shirt?”

She nods. “Yeah. It’s not like I can just steal your clothes and pretend they’re mine for the night.”

She realizes the words sound weak and the argument even weaker, but it’s all she can come up with. She needs him to agree with her, just to steer them into saver waters.

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.” He shrugs.

Somehow, the words he spoke are worse than him agreeing with her. He doesn’t even acknowledge anything beyond their friendship. He didn’t think of it as a big deal because to him, she was just his drunk friend stealing his shirt for the night. If Lizzie ever did that to her, she wouldn’t bat an eye either. She’s Blake’s friend. He sees her as such, too.

“You’re right.” She says. “It’s fine. I’m overreacting.”

“Hey, I’m sorry. If I had known you’d feel bad about it afterwards I wouldn’t have let you take it.”

She brushes it off. “I don’t feel bad. Was just weird, that’s all.”

Blake’s eyes focus back on the road, his head swiftly nodding.

“We’re good?”

If she didn’t know any better, she would say he sounds scared. Like a little boy who’s about to be reprimanded and she hates the sound more than anything in her life.

“More than good.”

The mood in the car shifts again, some of the awkwardness aired out for the time being. They stop at the nearest exit, realizing the car is low on fuel. Blake stops at first gas station they see, his arm resting on the open car door while he fills up the car. Gwen’s head is leaning out of the car window when she suddenly has an idea.

The car door flies open while she grabs her phone out of her pocket. She unlocks the screen and walks around the large truck to shove her phone in Blake’s face. He gives her an incredulous look, but doesn’t seem too thrown off by it.

“Taking a picture of something, darlin’?” He drawls.

She hums. “Of us. A selfie to document this crazy trip.”

She leans her head against the side of his, smiling widely. He does the same, looking at her a bit awkwardly after she takes about twenty of the same pictures.

“You’re gonna post that?”

She shrugs. “Maybe I should. The whole world would have a field day with that.”

“No complaints here.” Blake laughs.

She shakes her head, calling his bluff. “You so wouldn’t like that. You hate the media scrutiny. I can hardly imagine you’d want more of that.”

“Yeah, but a picture with you?” He opens his mouth like he just saw God appear right in front of him. “That’s a whole different story. I would even post that on _Instagram_. Scratch that, that shit will be my profile picture, lock screen and computer background.”

She throws her head back, laughter spilling over her lips loudly.

“You’re an actual idiot.”

“Careful, I might just leave you here.”

He uses his card to pay for the gas and returns the pump back into the nozzle. He hops back into the driver’s seat and waits for Gwen to join him back in the car. She does so with a huge smile on her face.

“I’ll keep the pictures to myself for now. I’m greedy.”

Blake hums. “Some would say that’s a bad trait to have.”

“I don’t care.”

He smiles proudly. “Atta girl.”

* * *

“Arizona.” Blake smiles.

He looks at his companion leaning her pretty head against the car window. She’s tired but her eyes still sparkle with excitement. He tries hard not to stare too long, the urge always present. She claps her hands.

“So, that means another hundred hours until we get to Tishomingo?” She smiles.

“More like fifteen.” He corrects. “That’s why they call it a roadtrip.”

She scoffs. “I’m not mad at it. I like being out on the road with you.”

He looks at her with a smug look on his face, but she doesn’t let herself look at it for too long. He wonders if she’s doing the same he’s been doing, but it’s hard to imagine Gwen being so affected by _his_ face she can’t do anything else but look away.

He clears his throat. “It’s getting pretty late again.”

“You wanna look for hotels?”

He nods. “Maybe we should check if we’re close to any out here.”

Gwen pries open the glove box and grabs the map she’s gotten acquainted with. It’s a sight to behold – Gwen biting on her lip when she’s focusing, her back pressed against the seat of his truck. It’s weird how she’s been his friend through the most intense phase of his life, but somewhere during these hours spend alone with her, it’s gotten increasingly more difficult to pretend like that’s all she is.

“How about, right there?” She points her finger to a small spot on the map. He motions for her to show him better when he slows down for a stop sign.

She points at a place not too far from where they are, accentuated on the map with a bed emoticon. His feet are feeling numb from pressing the gas pedal for hours. He nods.

“Looks like a plan to me.”

She chuckles with a slight wince. “I feel so bad.”

He looks to his right. “Why?”

“You hate driving.”

“In L.A.” 

“We’ve been on the highway most of this trip.” She points out. “Not exactly the dirt road driving you love so much.”

He smiles at that. Sometimes he’s reminded of how much Gwen has gotten to know him in such a short amount of time and how great of a listener she is. He’s still filled with resilient pride at Gwen’s wide knowledge of him now. especially considering she didn’t know of his existence a few years prior.

“And somehow I’m still having the time of my life.”

It’s not a lie, but he wonders if he should’ve kept that piece of information to himself. Gwen doesn’t appear to know what to do with that as she keeps her head stationed against the window. She smiles up at him briefly and he decided that’s enough of a reaction.

They find the small motel at the first exit, right off the interstate. His eyes seek out her tired ones and she grimaces.

“Up to you.” She says.

Never did he think he’d be in charge of the decision to sleep in a lonely motel with Gwen freaking Stefani, but his life has proven to be quite unpredictable. If his eyes weren’t two seconds away from falling shut and Gwen didn’t seem to be faring much better, he’d opted for driving further. Seeking out a hotel that looked a bit more promising.

But instead, he gives into the fatigue. “One night won’t hurt us, right?”

She shakes her head. “I would argue that statement if I weren’t so desperate to- “

“Hit the sack?” He fills in. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

She laughs.

“Yeah. Not the phrase I was gonna use, but same difference.”

They check into the motel, Gwen right behind him as he leads her towards their room. The walls are decorated with old paint, a large TV hanging on the opposite wall and an advertisement that sells them breakfast in the morning for an additional $19.99. He almost has to suppress a chuckle when he watches Gwen check out her surroundings. Despite Gwen being the most down to earth celebrity he has ever come across, he can’t help but wonder how long it’s been since she’s been to a place like _this_.

His joy doesn’t last long when he runs into her back, her small body stopped right in her tracks. He follows her line of vision and swallows roughly.

Only one bed.


	5. The Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update of 2020 for me. Happy New Year, to all!

“Uhm, I can ask the guy downstairs if there’s another room available?” Blake says a bit awkwardly. “Yeah, let me just go do that.”

She doesn’t know why, but she grabs his wrist before he can head out the door. She pretends like it’s because she doesn’t want to be left alone here, but she can only fool herself so much. Though she hasn’t shared a bed with anyone since filing for her divorce, she thinks she can do this.

Blake’s her friend. They’re on a roadtrip. They need to share a bed – no big deal.

“No, it’s fine” She says. “We came here late so there’s probably nothing else available anyways. Just like the other day. It’s fine.”

“Yeah but the other day we had separate beds.”

She feels like a part of her is ripped to shreds when Blake fights her on this so hard, even if there isn’t anything to rip to start with.

“But we can make this work.” Blake follows. “I hope you don’t kick in your sleep.”

He smirks at her and she forces a soft laugh out. She doesn’t know why it comes out so forced and strangled.

“Don’t think I do, cowboy.”

Light and easy seems the way to go. She tries to erase from her memory how much his initial reluctance bothered her. She’s still technically married, her divorce not yet finalized. Of course he’s not dying to share a bed with her. She should be happy about that.

Blake’s dressed in a pair of shorts and button-down quickly. She missed him going into the bathroom entirely, but she smiles as if she’d been waiting all along for her turn. He shoots her an apologetic glance.

“Sorry, had to shave.”

She swallows roughly, her eyes falling on the used razor next to the sink.

“I’m in no rush.”

It’s the truth. After she’s done getting ready herself, she’ll have to crawl in a bed with Blake. She pushed for it herself and none of the thoughts in her mind make any sense. She holds her hands underneath the stream of water from the faucet, applying some of the cold water on her face. It doesn’t help the tingles underneath her skin, but it does give her something to do.

She spends as much time as she can possibly justify in the bathroom, when she walks back into the room. _Their_ room.

Blake’s already underneath the covers, his back leaning against the headboard. She ignores his glance as she walks over to her suitcase. She lowers until she’s hovering over her luggage, eyes widening when Blake speaks.

“Looking for my shirt again?”

She knows him well enough to know he’s smirking and it’s all too much. She would’ve jumped at the opportunity in any other situation, but she’s positive she will die if she sleeps next to him in his shirt.

She grabs a large sleeping tee to pull over her shorts and shuts her suitcase quickly.

“I’m good. Thanks.”

By the time she looks back at him, he’s still smiling. She feels a heat creep on to her cheeks and she breaks their gaze before she disintegrates under the country crooner’s blue-eyed stare.

She pulls back the covers so she can get beneath them, her heart hammering. The bed is large enough for the both of them, but she feels paralyzed lying next to him. She turns on her side, away from him. A hand on her back startles her.

“Gwen, if this is too much we can still ask for another room. It’s really no bother.”

Her eyes water at his offer. She couldn’t ask for a better man to do this with and she fills with regret. Regret about springing this on him, knowing she’s a mess of a person lately. She should’ve known she would freak out.

She turns around to face him. “It’s okay.”

He smiles weakly. “Are you sure? You don’t look it.”

“It’s just weird.” She shrugs, trying to brush it off. “It was my own idea, remember?”

Blake laughs. “It’s more like you went along with it. I’m sure this wasn’t your first choice, either.”

_Either_. The word stings, but she won’t let it show.

“Yeah.” She muses.

“Wanna take a selfie and make the tabloids really lose their shit?”

She looks up at him in shock. The large grin on his face portrays he’s lying and she lets laughter spill over her pink lips. She loves him for making her laugh, making her forget about her conflicting feelings coursing through her body.

“That would be something.”

Blake scoffs. “They’re insane. If it’s up to them, I’ve dated at least four A-listers since the divorce happened.”

“That’s what happens when you’re NBC’s golden child. You’re a big deal, Blake.”

“NBC’s golden child?” Blake asks, biting back a smirk.

“Country music’s golden child?”

He laughs. “I’m hardly anyone’s favorite, darling.”

He’s _her_ favorite. She doesn’t tell him.

“What’s happening to our lives?” She asks.

Blake chuckles, moving around in the bed and the covers slightly move down his shoulders.

She can’t help but take notice of how good he looks. With nothing but a t-shirt covering his chest, she can easily see the outlines of his broad and toned chest, none of the fat-shaming jokes he likes to make about himself stemming from any truth.

He catches her staring and another flush colours her cheeks.

“Night, Gwen.”

She closes her eyes and turns around again. “Night, Blake.”

It’s no surprise to find herself unable to find a trace of sleep. She turns around after another hour or so, finding Blake already asleep on his side.

Facing her.

Something strange fills her being as she realizes the last thing he saw before falling asleep was her.

It feels like something out of a movie, watching him sleep. She wants to reach out and touch his relaxed features, trace her fingertip along the freshly shaved side of his face - but she stops herself. She can’t tear her eyes away from him and it fills her with dread but also…excitement.

“Gwen.” Her whole body stutters at the realization he’s awake _and_ aware. “Go back to sleep.”

She opens her mouth to say something, but no words come out.

Her body rolls over onto her other side quickly, her body overheating so fast she’s scared she’s actually dying. Or having a heart attack. Whatever it is, it can’t be good.

She’s too far gone to process his arm reaching for her.

In a move that’s way too brave for any of them to be making, Blake’s arm rests lightly on her side. He tugs gently and her chest feels like it’s about to explode. She realizes she’s the little spoon right now and she should pull herself out of his grip, tell him he’s not thinking straight since he’s barely awake.

She doesn’t do any of those things but instead closes her eyes and gives in. His arm around her feels strangely gratifying. She finds sleep within the next two minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really short - I apologize. The next one will be longer.


	6. The Morning

She wakes up with the biggest smile on her face. The corners of her mouth stretched up towards her eyes. She feels safe with a strong arm wrapped around her waist. It takes her a few seconds to realize where she is and with  who .

The dark ink of his tattoo stains his arm, his fingers sprayed relaxingly across her stomach. It’s not even the fact that he’s holding her that’s so terrifying- it’s how much she enjoys it. She hasn’t slept this well since... well ever.

She figures she can try and sneak out of his embrace and hide away in the bathroom, but that would mean making this a big deal. He’ll feel bad about it, while his brave move last night, was the only thing that allowed her to get some sleep in the first place .

No, she’ll sit this one out. Closing her eyes, she hopes for a few more minutes of shut eye. It’s not granted to her though, the feeling of Blake so tightly pressed behind her making it unable to focus on anything but  that .

It’s the only thing she _wants_ to focus on too .

This is the first time she’s spend the night in a bed with another man that wasn’t her ex-husband, and espe cially one she works with. She has seen this story unfold in the media a thousand times, the  age-old tale of two high profile co-stars crossing a line with e ach other. It never ends well. But h ere with his arm around her and chest pressed against her back, she can hardly picture herself going without this.

She knows she should break their embrace off now- her feelings not allowing for it to remain casual. She could slowly wiggle herself out of his hold, but she doesn’t want to make him feel awkward about this. Especially considering she so thoroughly enjoyed his closeness. She could just wait for him to wake up and realize their position, pretty sure he’ll back away immediately. That way she won’t have to do it.

She decides to do that, giving herself some more time to fully wake up. When the last bit of sleep leaves her body, she suddenly becomes aware of _another_ sensation.  


In attempt to move forward a little, Blake’s arm involuntary tightens and presses her into him even tighter.

Her heart stutters in her chest, eyes closing hastily. 

Waking up this closely against him makes it impossible for her to not feel the result of his healthy reproductive system, poking at her from behind. 

She wants to smile at the affectionate move he just did, not wanting to allow any space between their bodies even when he’s asleep , but the way she’s grazing his hard on from behind makes her panic.  


She bites her lip, trying to will away all the thoughts swirling in the back of her head.

Blake has been on her mind for a long time now- longer than she’s comfortable with admitting. She’d let her brain wonder about the perks that didn’t come with his friendship, but would be provided to her if she were more. If she let herself dream about being touched by him sometimes, so the lonely feeling in her chest would just get a little less heavy, that’s alright . She deserves to find ways to make it through the night. It’s not like she’d ever act on them.

The shifting behind her tells her  Blake is waking up and she stays firmly put in his embrace. Sleep makes him a bit slower than usual and when his morning wood presses against her again, she has to stifle back a whimper.

“Gwen?”

His voice is a low, baritone sound. It’s almost as hot as his member pressing against her butt.

“Morning.”

Her voice seems to shake him out of his sleepy state completely, his arm around her stuttering at the realization.  She’s surprised to find him staying put for a while longer, apparently not as freaked out about their proximity as she is. 

The slight intake of breath on his part shows her otherwise. She can feel the next words against the back of her neck, the sensation causing shivers to run up and down her spine.

“Fuck Gwen.” He says.

As she imagined, he backs his hips away from her in the next second, his arm disappearing  completely .

“God I’m sorry.” He raps later. 

The sound she hears indicates he’s rubbing the stubble across his jaw with his hand. The same one that’s been  holding her all night.

She knows it’s too late to make him feel better, but she wants to try anyways. She takes a few seconds to build up the courage to face him- knowing her face must portray the list of mixed emotions she feels. 

She swallows loud ly before turning around and connecting their gazes . His eyes are staring down at her, the look on his face one of slight puzzlement and panic.

“Please don’t apologize \- “

“You were already freaking out about having to share a bed with me . I shouldn’t have done what I did \- I’m  _so_ sorry, Gwen.”

She closes her eyes, sighing. She knew her freak out would translate into something completely different and she wishes she could’ve controlled it a bit better.

“I couldn’t sleep last night. You wanted to help.” She says softly.

It’s much more vulnerable than she intended on being this morning, after waking up in his arms. But there’s no denying that him holding her through the night helped her put her mind at ease and she doesn’t want to lie to him. Not to him, _ever_.

She looks into his clear blue eyes as she makes the soft admission of some sorts. He seems to catch on quickly, the darkening of his eyes showing her he’s debating on drawing attention to the obvious.

She secretly hopes he  doesn’t , not sure she can fake enough mortification that would be deemed appropriate.

He clears his throat, his mouth twitching as he makes it clear he’s about to address it despite Gwen’s flushed look.

“I didn’t mean to cross any boundaries with you tonight.”  He says.

_Tonight_ .

“Blake...” She says groggily, trying to push past the dryness in her throat all the sudden.

“Definitely not like that. I don’t think I have to explain biology to you, but I didn’t get \- “

“Oh my god, you don’t have to explain.” She says  even more  panicked than before . 

She doesn’t think she can handle Blake actually saying the words.

“I just...”

“I know.” She forces out a smile. “Don’t worry about it. No hard feelings.”

Blake grunts.

“Gwen please.”

His voice sounds like he’s in torture and she can’t help the smile that creeps up on her face. She still feels flushed and in disbelief over everything that happened last night, but there’s a lightness that creeps back into her heart. She can’t get herself to stop teasing him just yet.

She laughs. 

“Sorry. Just don’t be so  stiff about it- I already said it’s fine.”

He throws a pillow her way and yeah, for now they’re good.

  
  


* * *

Rays of sunshine hit the car window as they drive onwards. The sky is beyond clear as they enter the  sunny New Mexico. They haven’t encountered any clouds for hours and Blake has just stopped complaining about the incredible heat. He loved the way Gwen giggled at his dramatic reaction to the rising temperature in the car. 

She’s been uncharacteristically quiet in the last hour though and considering this morning’s turn of events- he can’t be quite comfortable with the stillness.

You okay?"

Blake glances over at Gwen nestled behind the steering wheel. She demanded to drive for a change and he couldn’t find it within him to fight such an offer.

“Just thinking about what we’re gonna do next.” She offers with a smile.

“What do you want to do?”

In his mind, he’s asked her this question a million times already and none of her answers are ones that will probably ever leave her lips.

“I don’t know. I was kind of wishing you had something in mind.”

He does. A bunch of things. He pushes them all away, ignoring the sting in his chest while his feelings become harder to push away. He knows she’s not ready. She needs a friend and he volunteered to be hers. He needs to  honour that.

“ I thought we’d just wait and see where we end up tonight. I think it’s called ‘going with the flow’ as the kids call it.”

“Boring.”

Blake snorts. “Who are you calling boring, sweetheart?”

“Adam once told me that people underestimated you.  That you’re the one  who gets  everyone in some mess when they get together . You’ve been keeping your wild side hidden from me, Shelton?”

“I’m the drunk cowboy  sitting  on your right on the show, darling. I’ve been hiding  _nothing_ .”

She shakes her head.

“I meant on this trip.”

Blake chuckles. “You’re also a girl. It’s a bit easier for me to be a complete idiot around Adam as I don’t care about impressing his ugly muck.”

Gwen laughs loudly.

“Don’t be mean.”

“It’s the truth.”

“So you’re saying we can’t do anything crazy cause I’m a girl? That’s not fair.”

He wished she’d know how she wasn’t just a girl to him. Not since the moment he saw her perform on the Voice that very first time.

“No. I’m saying you’re beautiful.” He counters honestly. “And I want you to continue to hang out with me. Not block my number by the time we get back to LA.”

He says the words playfully, but there’s a whole bunch of truth behind these words. It still feels a bit surreal to be on the road with Gwen, having their own personal vacation. Sometimes it feels like realization will hit her any minute now and she’ll finally come to her senses. She’ll realize he’s just a country son of a bitch who never deserved this much of her time anyways. He’ll go back to his normal life and try to forget the lingering imprint she’s left on his. 

“Don’t be silly.” She says, keeping her eyes on the road. The tone of her voice lets him know she’s not gonna go into his words too much and he doesn’t blame her . “I’ve got some money to spend and awesome company to do it with. Come on, let’s do something crazy.”

Blake cracks a smile.

"Tell you what. Keep your money, I've got an idea for tonight."

Gwen’s brows raise. "What is it?”

“It’s a surprise.”

She laughs.  "I don't know if I trust your surprises."

“This time you’re gonna have to.”

Blake turns on the radio to silence the questions he knows Gwen wants to ask. She seems to accepts it and settles back in the driver's seat and Blake does the same, reclining back as far as he can go and hanging an arm out the window. The damn heat is about to make him lose his mind.

He won’t push her too far tonight , never that. But if something were to happen tonight, he won’t stop it.

He can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the replies on the last chapter. I didn’t get to respond yet, but I’m totally blown away by the support.


	7. The Tailgate

She’s been driving for hours. The road is illuminated by street lamps, headlights and the star covered sky. They’ve past mostly desert and wild nature, Gwen’s eyes continuously pulled to the beautiful scenery outside of the car. Blake occasionally chuckles at her excitement, but she doesn’t care. This is the most carefree she’s been in a long time – these beautiful surroundings only adding to her liberated mood.

“Okay, go a little slower here...” He muses from the passenger’s seat, leaning his hand against the headrest while craning his neck to look out of the backseat window.

“Blake…”

“There’s no one behind you. Just slow down a bit.”

She sighs while simultaneously lessening the pressure on the gas pedal. She’s got no clue what Blake has in mind, but she _did_ ask him to come up with something to do for the two of them. She won’t question his idea until it becomes clear what that might be.

Secretly she hopes it involves just them, cause if she focuses hard enough she can still feel the remnants of her hangover from Vegas. Her prayers are answered when Blake instructs her to drive off the dirt road and kill the engine in an open field.

His voice breaks the silence.

“Think you’re ready for some tailgate action?”

His eyes widen as he realizes how the words came out and Gwen supresses a chuckle. Her own throat dries up too, feeling a light blush creeping on her cheeks.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Blake panics. “I just meant- I mean you have never been on…I should just stop talking.”

She smiles softly. “It’s okay. I know what you meant.”

If he knows it’s a lie, he doesn’t show it.

She unbuckles her seatbelt and reaches for the door handle. She’s leaning against the car door, gazing up at the sky. The sky is so clear and crisp; she can see every star perfectly. It fills her with so much peace, it almost doesn’t feel real.

“Don’t get that at home, do you?” His low voice drawls, her eyes almost filling up at the sight of the world’s simplest beauty.

“Never.”

He smiles. “Take it all in, darling.”

She offers him a small smile, watching as he reaches far down the tailgate to retrieve a few blankets. He takes some time getting the space ready before he pats on the hard surface.

“Ready?” He smiles.

She nods enthusiastically. “Born ready.”

With her back pressed to the edge of the tailgate, she looks up at Blake for one last piece of confirmation. He nods patiently.

“Get up there.”

She uses her hands to push herself up, sliding back as far as she can. The blankets are soft underneath her and she smiles when the truck slightly moves when Blake pushes himself up next to her. He’s still holding a spare quilt, draping it over her already shivering body.

She smiles gratefully.

“Thank you.”

“Wouldn’t want you to get cold.” He offers.

Blake continues to tell her something about the position of the stars and the clarity of the sky, but her attention wanders from Blake’s words to his face real quick. The smooth blue eyes, the strong jawline, the pepper-ish stubble that’s beginning to grow back. He’s incredibly handsome and he’s completely unaware of it, too.

“You listening?” He asks.

She startles. “I’m so sorry, yes, go on.”

He chuckles. “Afraid I’m all done, darling.”

“God I’m sorry. I’m just a little distracted by everything. It’s so good to be here with you though. I’ve never been out on the road for this long without any responsibilities.”

Blake smiles. “How does it feel?”

“Weird. Like I’m forgetting something.”

“As long as you’re having a good time, there’s nothing else you gotta be doing.” He says.

She wants to believe that, but her heart is experiencing a sudden tightness that won’t allow her to. Her face constricts for a second and she redirects her gaze to the blanket covering her lap.

“Where did you go just now?” He asks, always in tune. Always attentive.

“My kids.” She replies. “It’s just weird being away from them for this long, especially now.”

“Did you get to call them yet?”

She nods sweetly. “I got to talk to King and Zuma this morning. They’re all good- sometimes I feel like they’re doing a lot better than me.”

It had been hard calling Gavin this morning, as it’s the only way for her to contact the kids when she’s away. She’s been thinking about giving Kingston his first phone so she can call him directly, but he’s still slightly too young and her own personal issues with his father shouldn’t be the reason she makes him grow up any quicker than necessary.

“You’re not drowning yourself in liquor like _some_ people.” Blake says softly, obviously referring to himself, though he hasn’t been doing much alcohol therapy any more either. “You’re going through the most heartbreaking phase of your life; if you’re still standing and able to do anything productive, that’s doing good Gwen.”

Blake is not much of a writer, he’s stated that to her many times. But whenever he talks to her like this, she wonders how the hell that works. His words are enough to put back her broken pieces, hence why she’s been calling him after every break down she’s had so far. He’s incredibly good with his words and she finds herself in need of them each time.

“I didn’t mean to get all sad and stupid.” Gwen says, instead of speaking the thank you that lays on the tip of her tongue. “I probably brought the mood down majorly.”

She tries to smile through her words, but Blake is having none of it.

“You can always tell me what’s bothering you. You’ll never be a buzzkill for sharing your feelings with me.”

She bites her lip to keep from crying.

“I’ve asked God so many times to just give me a sign, explain to me why certain things were happening in my life. I almost felt like I was questioning Him a little…” She admits on a broken sigh. “But then _this_ happened and I just…I must be super lucky or He just really, really likes me.”

Something in Blake’s eyes shines brighter than before, his hand reaching out for her arm.

“You’re saying that cause I brought you out here?” He smiles, his finger grazing her upper arm.

She shakes her head. “I’m saying that because your friendship saved my life, cowboy.”

It’s not the first time that sentiment has left her mouth – or his- but something about tonight’s setting makes it hit even harder. Blake’s eyes widen, his fingers stilling over the sleeve of her jacket.

“I just want you to be happy.”

“Sitting here with you, underneath the stars…. I don’t think I’ve been this happy in years.”

Blake smiles. “Good, because we’re spending the night here.”

Her eyes widen, her mouth opening just a little.

Don’t get her wrong, she loves the idea of sleeping out in the nature like this. But she didn’t expect it to happen so soon, definitely not since their freak out this morning.

“Right here?” She asks dumbly.

“Yeah. I checked out this place online before we stopped here and this truck has everything we need to be comfortable for the night.”

He sounds incredibly sure of himself, the confidence in his abilities to live outdoors shining through his words. She can’t do anything but trust him, even when she’s suddenly filled with some nerves.

“Don’t worry sweetheart.” Blake notices, smiling at her widely. “I wouldn’t tell you to sleep outdoors anywhere if it weren’t a hundred percent save to do so.”

Gwen looks up at the sky, willing the worst of her nerves away.

“It’s so pretty here.”

“Yeah.” Blake affirms. “I figured you’d love it.”

“Do you have more blankets?”

“I’ve got some more hurdled in the back. I packed an extra thick coat just in case, you can have it if you want.”

“You really got this all planned out, huh?” She whispers playfully.

His hand is back to toying with the sleeve of her jacket and she loves how it seems to happen so subconsciously for him. He just needs to touch her.

“I did.” He replies cheerily. “I even checked the map and saw that there has to be a creek not too far back. Think you’re up for an early morning swim tomorrow?”

His brows crook up and she stifles her laugh by covering her mouth with her hand.

“Okay, now you’re actually being crazy.”

He throws his hands up. “I’m being no such thing. You said you wanted something fun.”

“I didn’t pack any swimming gear, Blake.”

“You don’t need it.”

Her gasp is unintentional, but Blake’s lips threaten to split his face in half by the way he’s smiling.

“You wanna go skinny dipping?” She chokes out with difficulty.

“Underwear will suffice.”

“Are you gonna swim in _your_ underwear?”

“I wouldn’t do that to ya.”

She shakes her head. “There’s no way I’m going in there alone.”

“I’ll be there. Me _and_ my comfortable t-shirt.”

Gwen squints her eyes. “Why?”

“I wouldn’t want to look too enticing for you.”

She’s aware of his self-deprecating tendencies, but she always figured they were more like jokes than anything else. He carries himself with so much poise and confidence, it’s almost a shock to figure out that some of it is actually real.

“Won’t the water be too cold anyways?” She asks, changing the subject.

Blake chuckles.

“Don’t you even worry your pretty little head about it. It’ll be fun.”

He lays down on his back, over enough to one side so it leaves plenty of space for her. She should feel relieved, but she’s mostly filled with disappointment. She wants to crawl through the hurdle of blankets and snuggle up to his side. Let his body protect her from the chilliness of the outside air.

“Blake?”

He looks over at her instantly. “Yeah?”

“Thank you for doing this.”

She doesn’t have to elaborate for him to get it.

“Come here.”

She swallows loudly, but does as she’s told. His arms open for her, waiting for her slim body to press against him. He wraps her up in his embrace, as if he could read her mind.

“You’re not cold?” He asks.

She shakes her head, not even trying with actual words. It feels beyond good to be held by him again, but she finds herself needing more. She’s been so passive most of her life, the thought of being anything else scaring the shit out of her. But out here in a deserted field, underneath a blanket of stars, she knows she’ll never be granted this perfect of an opportunity again.

She finds herself hovering over him the next minute, sense never settling in. She leans closer, placing her hands on the firm surface of his truck, straddling Blake’s body. His eyes bore a hole in her soul, his irises dark and enticing.

“What are you doing?” His voice is all breath.

“Shut up.” She whispers into the dead of the night.

Two seconds without fear is all it takes.

She closes the distance between their mouths and brushes her lips with Blake’s. He makes a strangled noise, but she just sucks it down. His hand finds her back and it unlocks some unhidden desire in her belly. She smashes their mouths together tighter, taking control.

When his fingers intertwine in her hair, she falls victim to her own feelings completely. She surrenders like she’s never been touched in her life. She doesn’t pull away until she literally can’t breathe. She can see the outline of Blake’s face in the black of the night, but that’s about it.

“Sorry.” She murmurs, inches away from his lips. It’s not what she meant to say, the first thing after kissing him, but she can’t formulate any other comeback.

“Please don’t apologize.”

He sounds in pain, like the thought of Gwen already regretting him is too much to bear. She ducks her head down, moving off him and sitting on the edge of his tailgate. She doesn’t mean to be a coward, but she’s just so damn scared.

“You were holding me.” She says, as if that explains away her sudden need to kiss him.

Even in the dark, she can see his eyebrows raise. Cheeks still flushed.

“I was holding you…”

She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to pretend like she’s not about to ruin the best friendship she’s ever had. When she talks, she can’t keep the disbelief from taking over her own voice.

“And I thought about doing _that_ for a while now.”

She feels the back of the truck move and she knows Blake just sat up a bit straighter. She bites her lip when Blake’s palm gently kneads her back. Soothing.

His voice is deep and raw.

“I really want to kiss you again.”

Butterflies erupt in her belly. She feels like a thirteen-year-old girl on her first date, but Blake wants to kiss her and if she’s a pathetic teenager because of it, so be it. She turns around so it’s easier for Blake to get on with it – and he does.

He takes her head between both his hands and presses their lips together. It’s slow and deliberate, exactly how she envisioned he would be. Gavin used to be all about control, giving her all that passion in one moment and taking it away in the next. Blake takes his time, kissing her breath away but she doesn’t care. She knows he’ll give it back to her.

Her heart is ready to burst from her chest, but as long as Blake keeps kissing her- she. just. doesn’t.care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will still be a slow burn, but we’re making some progress..


	8. The Swim

She can’t remember ever waking up feeling this refreshed. The sun is already shining down on her by the time she opens her eyes and the sight of Blake reaching far onto the backseat is the first thing she sees. He comes back around the tailgate with a bottle of water they bought at a random gas station.

Her smile feels like its etched into her skin now. They don’t have glasses so they’ll have to drink from the bottle and Blake’s eyes search for any reluctance. She shakes her head with a giggle. She’s literally tasted his lips, drinking from the same bottle could barely be a problem.

Her mind goes over the vivid memory over and over. Her stomach fills with butterflies while remembering the soft press of his lips against hers and his strong hands feeling up her body. His hands tangled into her hair perfectly and she can still feel the slight tugging on her strands if she tries hard enough to remember.

He felt amazing.

She feels her body heating up at its own accord, his long-sleeved button down unbuttoned at the top not helping to cool herself. Who in God’s name decided Blake could look this good in literally anything, she didn’t know, but right now it’s becoming a problem. She can’t tear her eyes away from him and he smiles widely when he notices.

“Here.” He says, handing her the water bottle.

“Thank you.”

She takes a few large sips, hoping to clench the worst thirst.

His eyes sparkle as they take her in. “Howd’ya sleep?”

“Good.” God, she slept so good. Being in his arms again after experiencing what it’s like to kiss him had been divine. “You?”

“Amazing.”

The smile on his lips tells her he’s thinking about the same thing she is, and she needs to take another sip to control the next heat wave spreading through her body.

“What time is it?” She asks.

He walks over to her side, reaching for the phone that’s somewhere in between the mess of blankets. He unlocks his screen and looks up at her.

“Ten am.”

“Were you up for a long time already?”

He shakes his head. “Not too long. An hour maybe.”

She wipes underneath her eyes, getting rid of some of the mascara that got smeared. Sleeping out in the air had robbed her from the opportunity to take it off properly and she suddenly fills with a bit of fear of how she must look to him right now.

“Hey.” He says softly, but loud enough to get her attention. “Do you know how unbelievably gorgeous you are in the morning?”

She suddenly feels at a loss for words, her hands awkwardly smoothing down her shirt.

“Blake.” She shakes her head, starting to dismiss his compliment.

“I’m serious. You look breathtaking.”

He’s looking at her like he’s never seen something like her before- the whole world could catch on fire and all he’d focus on was her.

“Thank you.” She ducks her head, a little embarrassed. “I feel like I look a mess though. My hair is all fuzzy and I didn’t even get to take my make up off from last night. Not to mention the sun is literally heating up my body, I can feel the sweat rolling down my back. I’m not kidding.”

He laughs at the last part, holding his index finger up as if an idea just hit him.

“That reminds me…” He says, taking the bottle from her hands and storing it back into the truck. “We were supposed to go for a morning swim today.”

Her eyes widen. “You were serious about that?”

He nods. “Of course.”

“Blake, I’m serious, what am I gonna wear?”

He raises his brow, a suggestive grin on his face.

“And don’t say nothing.” She laughs.

“Sweetheart, you need to get out more. Why don’t you just wear some undies and a t shirt if you’re scared to go without it. I promise I won’t peek.”

He says the last part through a chuckle and she shakes her head.

“Did you even find a place to swim _in_?” She teases.

“There’s a creek right over there.” He points to a space behind him, the bushes and trees covering up any sight of water she might see.

She squints her eyes. “How do you even know?”

“You can hear the purling if you’re real quiet. Also, these types of fields are a dead giveaway.”

She giggles again. “I love it when you talk cowboy to me.”

“Come on.” He smiles, holding his hand out for her. “Let’s get you up and ready.”

Blake simply oozes confidence and a certain boyish charm that makes her heart go mad in her chest. She takes his hand and jumps down the tailgate. He lets go of her and motions for her to grab a towel from her suitcase, doing the same himself. She follows him nervously, looking back at the truck that starts getting further and further away from them.

“Are you sure we can just keep our stuff right there?” She asks.

Blake smiles. “It’s totally fine darling. The doors are locked and I highly doubt people are interested in stealing a bunch of blankets.”

She looks back again, still not completely at ease.

“Are we even supposed to be parked here for so long? What if you get fined?”

“We’re not getting fined.” He chuckles.

“Stop laughing at me!”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. You’re just too adorable for your own good, right now.”

Gwen scrunches her nose, following him quietly. They walk for about two minutes before the stream of water becomes noticeable to her own ears as well. She smiles when she’s faced with the small creek hiding behind the tall green plants. It’s a scene worthy of remembrance, looking like it comes straight out of a movie.

“Wow.” She breathes.  
  


“Told you.”

Gwen nods. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen nature like this.”

“Makes it hard to resist jumping in there, right?”

He wiggles his eyebrows, making her laugh as usual. Normally, she wouldn’t do this. As much as her stage personality indicates the polar opposite, she’s actually not that comfortable with stripping down to barely anything in broad daylight.

If someone had told her she was about to do this with no one other than Blake, she would’ve laughed straight in their faces.

“It does seem enticing.” She admits.

Blake throws his fist in the air like he just accomplished the greatest achievement, his smile infectious. Her throat dries up when Blake undoes his zipper and quickly steps out of his pants, his boxers and button down the only things still hanging from his body. She wants to look away, grant him the same privacy he promised her, but she can’t tear her eyes away.

“I’ll turn around.” He says to her, turning his back to her.

It takes her a while to realize what that means. She’s not okay, far from it. she feels like a delusional wreck, but she can’t help but feel the excitement well up in her lower stomach. She steps out of her own jeans, hurdling them up neatly and laying it over a large rock. She does the same with her blouse, her hands covering her upper body as he stands there in nothing but her underwear.

“If you’re ready, jump in.”

Blake’s button up slides off his shoulders, until he’s left with only his t-shirt hanging from his broad chest. She squeaks when he runs forward, not stopping until his whole body is emerged in the cold water.

“Oh my god.” She yells.

There’s splashing of water when Blake’s hand slides through his wet hair, his curls now a plastered, slick mess on the top of his head.

“It’s good. Get in here.”

She wants to keep standing there, where it’s dry and warm, but she realizes Blake now has a perfect view of her near naked body. Saying a quick prayer, she releases another yell as the cold water hits her own legs and then chest. She gasps out loud, Blake’s arm reaching out for her when she’s in close proximity.

“Shit, fuck Blake.” She squeals. “It’s so damn cold.”

His tugs her closer, splashing some water in her face when she least expects it.

Her eyes widen. “You’re so mean!”

She shuts him up by returning the favour, reaching her hands out to make a bigger mess of his curls while he’s busy rubbing the water out of his eyes.

  
  
“What are you doing?” He laughs.

“Giving you a new hairdo.”

Her fingers graze through his hair and she’s surprised to see that he lets her. She kind of imagined he’d pull away, create a bit of distance, but he seems perfectly content with letting her feel him up for as long as she wants to.

She bites her lip, pulling her hand back. He looks at her with a soft expression on his face, the sun on her back caressing her.

“How do I look?” He jokes. He’s obviously referring to his crazy hair, a hand on his hip finishing his overly confident composure.

She laughs.

“You look _am-az ing_.”

“Good. I can’t have myself looking anything but fashionable around you.”

She bites her lip again, surprised she didn’t draw blood yet. Here in the small creek, barely wearing any clothes and his hair sticking to his forehead, he looks absolutely stunning. She’s always noticed his attractiveness in an innocent sort of way, but somewhere down the line her thoughts became more explicit. More daring.

“You look great.” Her voice loses all playfulness, wanting to portray genuine sincerity with her compliment.

He looks at her incredulously, using his hand to make a small circle next to his waist. She could do the same, try to distract herself from the raging desires attacking her from inside, or she could give herself over to them.

The moment they’re having right now, deserves nothing less.

“Gwen, are you-” She cuts him short by smashing their lips together. She doesn’t know what is coming over her, but she can’t fight the urge to kiss his shiny lips any longer. She’s spent so long wondering what it would be like and after what happened yesterday, after finding out exactly how good it was, it was like she developed an addiction overnight.

She feels the heat from his body roll off him in waves. His skin is so close to hers, she can almost taste it. And if it tastes anything like his lips, she’ll never be able to let go.

There’s electricity cursing though her veins and she just can’t stop. Blake’s hands grip her waist, ripping all the oxygen from her mouth as his tongue does its own dance. She moans against his lips, throwing her arms around his neck. She whimpers when he pulls back, raking a hand through her blonde strands.

“Why are you stopping?” She whispers. Her lips slick and swollen.

“I wanna look at you for a second.”

She wills her face not to turn red. “You can’t say those things.”

“I can and I will.”

He grins and she’s a goner. His lips find hers again, but much softer this time. He takes his time prying them open with his tongue, his fingers on her back rubbing lazy circles across her spine. She wishes she could press herself even closer against him, melt into him and become one. But she has to settle for being pressed against the fabric of his shirt, it almost feeling like naked skin as the soaked shirt sticks to his body.

His lips are soft and sweet, completely captivating her.

She pulls back a little. “Is this still okay?” She asks.

Her hand is grazing the hairs at the back of his neck. She took the liberty during their make out to press herself completely against him.

“Is this still okay?” He repeats, smiling. She laughs loudly when he lifts her up, giving her no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist. “Blake, what…”

“Still okay?” He grins.

She nods down at him softly, feeling herself growing impatient for the next feel of his lips. She can barely breath under the strain of her emotions, her voice coming out as a small whisper.

“More than okay.”

His hand in her hair tangles there softly, guiding her face back down to his lips.

Each time kissing Blake feels like the first, making her happy in a way she could never have imagined. She doesn’t know what they’ll be when they get out of the water, doesn’t even know if they’re truly aware of the potential heartbreak this could cause.

But as long as his lips are on hers, thinking about that can wait.


	9. The Picture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kind words in the comment sections. I’m overjoyed by all the love this little story is getting :-)

They’ve just dried themselves off and got situated back into the car. Her hair is still a bit flat by the water that soaked it, but that doesn’t stop Blake from occasionally looking over at her from the driver’s seat with a whole bunch of lust in his eyes.

She distracts herself by scrolling through her photo gallery on her phone.

Her finger traces over the picture they took right after they got out of the water. Her lips are still pink and swollen from their make out, but to anyone who’s oblivious to what they were doing, it could also look like she just woke up. She graces over Blake’s jawline, his face pressed against hers. His hand isn’t viewable on the picture, but if it was, you would’ve seen his fingers softly stroking her thigh.

She smiles deeply. It’s a new feeling of peace that infiltrates her body. The water that surrounded them, the small noises of nature all helped to create an outer body experience. Blake’s company is doing more than any self-help book she’s read over the years and slowly she starts healing some of the wounds she’s ignored for too long. In time, she thinks she can feel the overwhelming stages of love again – quietly and reluctantly, she starts believing in the possibility it could might even last.

“You think it would be okay to post this one?” She asks. A clean break from her thoughts is needed. Blake’s handsome face on her iPhone screen is the way to do it.

Blake looks up at her, surprised.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. We haven’t posted anything together yet while being on this trip.”

“You might wanna inform your family about being on a trip with me first, before they find out through Twitter.”

Gwen bites her lip. She scolds herself for not thinking about that at all.

“Shit.” She murmurs.

Blake chuckles, eyeing her sympathetically.

“Know what? To hell with that. You can do whatever you want, darling. Whatever feels good to you.”

Blake’s inability to watch her feel bad is the cutest and most refreshing thing ever.

“You’re _so_ just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Of course. I hate seeing you look disappointed or sad.”

She shakes her head. “I’m not sad - _or_ disappointed.”

“No?” He asks, slowing down for a stop sign.

“No. How could I be? Look at where I’m at and with who.”

The look on Blake’s face is priceless. She finds herself wishing quite often now she could erase every memory from his brain where he hasn’t been treated right. The multiple situations in which he hasn’t been appreciated enough, feel like actual burdens she carries too. He deserves all the love he so ferociously puts out into the world.

“So you’re gonna post the picture?”

She remembers how nervous she was before she kissed him last night and how marvellous that turned out. She decides that she can do this then too.

Gwen nods. “Yes, screw it. I’ll call my family later.”

Blake swallows the _atta girl_ she knows he wants to exclaim.

“You didn’t lie.” He says. “And it’s only just a picture.”

She knows he’s mostly saying that to ease her nerves, but she can’t chop it all up to being a white lie. It _is_ just a picture.

The frame itself is not exposing anything but their friendship. Her family will be happy to know she’s enjoying herself - she knows that for a fact.

“Done!” She squeals after posting it to her millions of followers.

Another chuckle from Blake fills the vehicle.

“Feel better?”

She blushes, staring down at her lap. “I just want to document all of this. And maybe a part of me is dying to share some good things with the world again too. Is that crazy?”

Blake’s gaze turns serious. “Not at all.”

“Like, you’re so good and this trip has been so good. I don’t even care, I’m sharing that shit.”

Blake’s laugh is booming now. He looks at her with all the affection in the world and she thinks she could die peacefully if she could see that look every day until then.

“You make me so happy.” He looks back out on the road, letting the words linger there.

The words seem to be so normalized in his brain, that he doesn’t even register he just spoke them out loud.

To her.

She wants to cry. She wants to ask him to pull over and stop the car and make out with her some more.

She wants to call Gavin and tell him he’s a piece of shit for denying her this kind of vulnerability all along.

She wants to go back in time and slap herself across the face for robbing herself the pleasure of being with someone like Blake.

She wants to talk to God and ask him why she couldn’t have met Blake sooner - why she had to endure so much heartbreak when this cowboy was out in the world somewhere, looking for his own safe place to fall.

She could’ve been that for him. She really believes that.

“You okay?” Blake asks, aware of how quiet she just got.

She swallows loudly.

“I am. Just a bit tired.” She lies.

“Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have made you sleep out there. Tailgates are all fun and games, but nothing beats the comfortability of an actual bed.”

Of course she couldn’t come up with a better excuse, one that _wouldn’t_ make him feel bad.

She shakes her head quickly. “Oh no, that’s not it. I slept just fine! Please, I loved getting to sleep on there.” _Next to you_ goes unsaid.

“Is the trip getting to you? Spending too much time on the road can make you pretty tired. I know all about that.”

“That’s probably what it is.”

“How about we go for one more hotel tonight and then just pull through all the way to Tish?”

Gwen looks at him briefly. “How far away are we?”

“About seven hours. But by the time we find a hotel, it would only be half a day of driving left.”

“I’m so excited.” She claps. “I have always wanted to see where you‘re from.”

Blake’s eyes light up. “Really?”

She hums positively. “You think my fascination with you being a cowboy was all a joke? _Nah-ah_ , I’m like, obsessed with you.”

He laughs again, a shimmer of hope and adoration in his eyes.

“You’re gonna have to tell me more about this obsession later.“ He quiets for a second. “Or maybe even show me.”

The dare no longer fills her with fear. She tries to push back the excitement that fills her instead.

* * *

“Twitter is freaking out over our picture.” Gwen exclaims, scrolling through her phone again.

They’re sitting next to each other in another random diner, Blake sipping on a large Sprite.

He smiles with his mouth still around the straw.

“Yeah?” He glances at her sideways. “What are people sayin'?"

“They think we’re cute.” She skips a beat. “And some people think you’ve officially reached a midlife crisis for hanging out with me.”

Blake snorts. “You should tell them all to eat a dick.”

Gwen looks rather mortified. “I would rather not.”

“You’re too sweet.”

“@stefanilove33 says she just _knows_ that we're dating."

That sparks her attention, not even really talking to Blake as she reads that one out loud.

After they kissed, she didn’t stop to think about what they are anymore. Still just friends? Ormore? They’re probably miles away from making anything official, if there’s even anything to officiate. Friends with benefits, maybe? Her mind is going a mile a minute and of course Blake notices right away.

“Maybe you should delete it.” He says softly. “If it becomes a big headline and makes you feel uncomfortable, I’d hate myself for encouraging you to post it in the first place.”

She looks up at him, her finger clicking away the app entirely.

“No way.” She replies. “It’s cute and you look hot.”

He crooks his eyebrows. “Is this part of your obsession with me?”

Gwen laughs, picking at the small portion of fries the waiter just brought by.

“Maybe.”

“Elaborate.”

She shrugs. “For starters, I’ve thought about a million song ideas while being on the road with you - none of them sad.”

She pops two more fries in her mouth, trying not to blush underneath his gaze.

“Any songs about how hot I am?” Blake jokes, trying to playfully distract her from the road they’re about to go down.

“Don’t get cocky.”

“Kinda hard not to.”

Gwen smiles. “Why?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re kind of a big deal. Plus you’re gorgeous and kind and you’re calling me hot. How much does a simple man like me have to endure before my ego can grow a few sizes?”

She smacks him softly on his arm, leaning into him. It’s a tricky move to make in public and she would be horrified if she weren’t so lost in this moment here with him.

“You’re not too bad yourself.” She smiles. “You’re Blake Shelton. Women literally fawn themselves over you, dreaming about what it would be like to be close to you.”

His eyes darken and his expression changes.

“Do you?”

She hides her face into his shoulder, looking up at him through her lashes.

“Do I fawn myself over you?” She jokes, a stalling tactic he sees right through.

“Do you dream about being close to me?”

She inhales deeply. She can take the easy road and lie to him, but he’s too good and she’s too honest. She’s 45 and divorced – wasting time is not a luxury that’s granted to her anymore.

“All the time.”

She watches as Blake scans his surroundings quickly, turning his face back to her when he’s supposedly identified the coast as clear.

His left hand pushes against her neck until he closes in on her and kisses her salty lips. He pulls back way quicker than usual, not wanting their headline to now be accompanied with actual proof of their romantic feelings.

"What was that for?" She whispers.

"Just cause."

She narrows her eyes at him, her finger softly touching her lips and trying to remember how it felt to have him kiss them _again_.

“I couldn’t help myself.” He explains a bit later. “You were being cute.”

“Was I?”

Blake nods.

“What can I say. I guess you’re not the only one who’s developed a slight obsession.”


	10. The Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story will still be mostly fluff but I do want it to remain realistic. Storms are a part of life. Thank you again for all the lovely comments. I’m a lucky girl!

“Does it feel weird to you?” Gwen asks, holding the large cup of soda she decided to bring from the diner. “Having me in your space the whole time?”

Blake gives her a sideways glance, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Why the hell would I think that?”

His shock appears to be genuine and it’s flattering more than anything else.

“Just saying. You’ve been around me for three days straight. Some people might find that a lot.”

He grimaces. “Well _some people_ sound like total idiots if you ask me.”

She plays around with the straw poking out of her drink.

“You’re sweet.”

He doesn’t reply to her compliment. He might even look a little pained.

She thinks she might know why, but she’s not ashamed to admit that she’s feeling too damaged to pay it any mind. Blake is big on telling her how great she is, how wrong others were for making her feel the opposite. Some days she’s able to reciprocate the feeling. Other days – not so much.

“Do you like your drink?” He asks, taking notice of the way her face screws up after taking too large of a sip.

She giggles. “It’s just really, really sweet.”

“I thought you liked sweet?”

“When it’s you, yeah.” She shrugs. “Blake, this drink is gonna make me lose all my teeth.”

“It can’t be _that_ bad.”

She holds the cup out to him. “Find out for yourself.”

Blake gives her an incredulous look before shaking his head.

“No darling, keep it.”

Gwen laughs loudly.

“Are you scared of a drink, Shelton?”

“No.” Blake says, over the top confident. “But what kind of gentleman would I be if I stole a lady’s drink?”

She smiles. “I offered, so you wouldn’t be stealing.”

“Same difference where I’m from.”

She knows the kind of game he’s playing and she’s not afraid to play along. She might even have an idea in mind that will declare her the winner instantly. She takes another big sip, making sure to let it coat her lips a little. She throws caution to the wind and puts the drink down on the top of his truck, sauntering over to him. Her hand slides up his chest, taking in the surprised look on his face.

He’s about to ask her what she’s up to but he never gets the chance. She presses their lips together softly, letting her tongue explore his mouth. She knows it’s impossible for him not to taste the sweetness of her lips. He moans in her mouth a little, his hand gripping her waist.

She could continue kissing him like this forever. It’s a tempting idea considering the rural and nearly deserted area they just entered. But to be safe, she pulls back and looks at him with soft eyes.

“And?” She asks as if she didn’t just kiss the living daylights out of him. “Too sweet?”

He looks at her in awe, his hand rubbing over his mouth.

“Jesus Christ.”

“I’m sorry…” She teases. “That doesn’t really answer my question.”

“You – come here.” He doesn’t allow himself to finish his sentence, pulling her in by her waist. She feels the door handle of his truck poking into her back, his tall frame pressing her against it. Trapped between his car door and his body, she feels more alive than ever before.

He doesn’t kiss her right away and it’s cute as much as it’s torture. He stares at her lips, while his fingers rub mindlessly at her sides.

“Blake?”

“Again, just taking ya in.”

She never liked the smooth talking guys much. She learned to never trust it. Words were relatively easy to speak, but actions always proved her how little they meant. But with Blake, it’s like he doesn’t even notice he’s doing it. So much of his endearing qualities are the ones that he’s blissfully unaware of.

He leans down only for the moment to be interrupted by her phone.

As much as she would want to take this perfect moment to make out with him more, she can’t afford to ignore her phone when she’s so far away from home. It could be Gavin about one of the kids.

She regretfully holds a hand out against his chest, digging for her phone in her jacket. They both let out an audible sigh, though Blake’s eyes have nothing but understanding and patience in them.

She steps away from the car to take the call.

“Hello?”

“Mommy, it’s me.” Kingston says much softer than she’s used to from him. “Dad said it was alright to call you.”

“Of course it is, sweet boy. How are you doing?”

It’s quiet for two seconds.

“Pretty good. Dad’s new place is cool…”

“Yeah?” She asks. “Did you hang the painting in your room yet. The one you made in school?”

“Not yet.”

“You should do that. It’s so beautiful, King.”

“Can I just keep it for my room at home?”

The sting in her chest becomes nearly unbearable as her oldest son can’t refer to his dad’s place as home. God, how she wishes she could’ve kept their _home_ together.

“Of course you can.” She says softly. “It would look great wherever we decide to hang it.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, sweet boy?”

“When are you coming back? I miss you.”

A few tears roll down her cheeks. The sun is still shining down brightly on her but she suddenly feels cold. Shivers pop up across her body and it becomes hard to shake the chilliness.

“Oh baby….” She whispers sadly. “I’m sorry I’m not there right now. I promise you I’ll be back before you know it. Only a few more nights.”

“How many?”

“3 days. Only 3 more sleeps.”

Kingston sounds a bit calmer when he speaks again. Apparently her answer is better than the one he expected.

“I can do that.” He sounds stronger again. “That’s not long, it’s as much as a weekend.”

Gwen smiles at his reasoning.

“You’re right.”

“Dad just yelled that he’s gonna take us to the park. Zuma is acting out and he broke a vase. Talk to you later, okay mom?”

“Go have fun.”

“Thanks.”

Before he can hang up, she instructs him to hang on just a second longer.

“Hey King….” A brief pause fills the phone line. “You make mommy so incredibly happy and I couldn’t be more proud of you. Three days……and then we’ll hang that painting.”

  
  


* * *

They’ve been in the hotel room for an hour now and Blake has stayed mostly out of her way. She felt bad, but it’s not like she told him to leave. He did that on his own.

The phone call with Kingston had left her feeling sad and berated. She knows it’s not fair but it hurts her to know her child is struggling with her absence and she’s hundreds of miles away from him. The guilt about the whole situation her children are in gnarls at her insides. It doesn’t seem right that she’s out here having _this_ much fun, while they are back home trying to deal with the destruction their parents left in their wake.

She hears three knocks on the door and she knows it’s him. It could only be him. He announces his presence because he probably doesn’t know in what state he’d find her.

She’s sitting on the edge of the bed looking a bit dazed when she calls for him to come in.

Blake is holding a drink she guesses is some mixture of sprite and vodka – something he probably got downstairs at the bar- but she’s not sure. He sits down in front of her in one of the chairs, deciding against sitting next to her on the bed.

He’s looking at her like he doesn’t know what to say. He puts the glass to his lips to fill the awkward silence and she can’t take it any longer.

“Do you ever just…have you ever had one of those moments where it suddenly hits you that you have no idea what you’re doing?”

Blake sighs deeply. “All the time.”

“Like I’m here with you while my kids are at home struggling. They’re struggling, Blake.”

She can tell her words fill him with a cold sense of dread, afraid of where this conversation is headed. Her heart feels so much tenderness towards Blake, it’s hard to keep him in that space. But she lacks the emotional availability at this moment to take that weight away from him.

“Sweetheart, you deserve a break. I know you probably don’t want to hear this but your kids won’t struggle any less by having you there 24/7, but close to a burn out.”

Her eyes burn painfully.

“They’re my kids.”

Blake stands up with his drink in his hand, abandoning the chair so he can join her on the edge of the bed. This time their hotel room does have two separate ones. It had been weird how neither one of them mentioned it when they came in – as if they would’ve been perfectly fine if the situation had been different.

She pushes that away for now.

“Gwen…” He says softly. “You’re an amazing mom.”

“I don’t feel like it right now.” She whispers. “Not at all.”

“You’re too hard on yourself.”

“I should be hard on myself.” She counters. “They’re my kids! It’s my responsibility to give them stability and peace in this life. I’m failing at both, god damnit.”

She didn’t mean to snap at him, but everything becomes too much. She’s been running on autopilot for so long, allowing so much to happen at the same time. But now she’s finally at a place where she can slow down a bit and it all hits her like a freight train.

Her divorce. Her kids. The abandonment and self-worth issues she’s been running from. _Blake_.

“So what then?” He asks, looking at her softly. “You’re just gonna sit here and punish yourself…for what?”

A tear slides down her cheek.

“I don’t deserve this.”

Her voice cracks under the weight of these words. She’s been feeling it ever since they first kissed – the softness yet powerful motion of his lips against her had left her feeling cherished and wanted. Two things she didn’t feel like she deserved. She’d pushed it back in favour of getting more of it, needing seconds and thirds like it was the only thing keeping her alive. But she always knew he was too good to be true.

“I don’t believe that.” He says.

“My life is a mess. I have so much left to deal with before I can possibly….” She swallows her words, reverting her gaze to the ceiling. “There’s too much going on and I don’t know how to digest any of it.”

“Do you….do you need there to be less?” Blake asks carefully.

This thing the two of them are doing- they’re supposed to just _be_. As soon as it becomes anything more than that, as soon as this thing starts to add a strain to their already stressful lives, that’s it. They should pull the plug.

She looks at Blake when she can’t get the words out. She finds him already looking.

His eyes are so intensely blue and she swallows hard under the vulnerability of his stare. “I don’t know what the right thing to do here is.”

“What do you want?”

“Would you hate me if I said I don’t know what I want?”

Blake shakes his head. “I could never hate you. But I would find it difficult.”

“Why?” She whispers.

“Because I _do_ know what I want.”

The words should make her feel warm and wanted, but it doesn’t. The feeling starts low in her stomach, making her feel dizzy and light-headed. She reaches a hand out to the edge of the bed to steady herself.

“I don’t think I can risk it again.”

The pain on Blake’s features is evident and the sight rattles her bones. She feels his disappointment everywhere. The physical manifestation of his sadness settling in her own body like they’re sharing the same skin.

“Do you trust me?”

“It’s not about that.”

“Because I trust you. No matter how much I’ve been hurt, Gwen...” He says pained. “Somehow I trust _you_.”

“Your friendship saved me.” She admits softly. “I can’t lose that. I would rather have you in my life forever as a friend than temporary as anything else.”

Blake swallows.

“Why can’t we have both?”

The question stuns her into silence. She’s been over that very same question a million times in her head, but she’s not ready for this conversation. Not by a long shot.

“Blake, please.”

“I’m sorry.”

She physically deflates, relief crashing over her as Blake accepts not pressing her on it further.

“It’s just a rough day. I feel tired and I can’t talk about this right now.”

Blake nods. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Let’s just call it a day, alright?”

Gwen wholeheartedly agrees. It’s weird and awkward as they both get ready for bed.

Usually it’s hard for them to shut up in each other’s presence, but there’s none of that tonight. She keeps her head down so she doesn’t have to see the heavy expression on Blake’s face. It hurts too much to know she put it there.

All she can think about is hitting the matrass and getting to close her eyes. She’s slept next to Blake for two days straight now and it’s the best sleep she’s ever had. Something about his proximity makes her feel so calm – so safe. Even with everything going on right now, her heart still yearns to crawl next to him.

She doesn’t even think before pulling back the covers.

His voice snaps her out of her trance.

  
“Maybe you shouldn’t…” Blake’s eyes dart down towards the empty space next to him, his guilt ridden expression not nearly enough to lessen the sting.

Gwen watches Blake with puzzlement. She’s horrified to realize what just happened.

Her hand is still holding the covers back of _his_ bed. The one she almost infiltrated uninvited. Sleeping next to him had become so normal to her brain, she didn’t even stop to think how inappropriate that would be after everything she said to him tonight.

Gwen swallows. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I just don’t think it’s- “

“I get it.” She cuts him off. “You’re right.”

She lets go of the sheets she had just began to pull down, smoothing them back across the matrass. She doesn’t know why it’s suddenly so hard to walk over to the other bed, her feet feeling like they’re tied to bricks. A tear escapes her when she lays down there alone, her bed feeling cold and lonely without his body in it.

As much as she wanted this to work, the phone call with her oldest put things in perspective for her. She wanted to pretend she was living in a fairytale so she wouldn’t have to deal with the destruction that would be waiting for her when she got home. It’s a swift slap to the face.

Her quiet sobs don’t come out until she hears Blake softly snore.


	11. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty short, but I wanted one more chapter to focus on the angst. The next update will be much longer and happier!

* * *

She’s rightfully terrified when she wakes up and he’s nowhere to be found. It’s hard to believe he would actually leave her behind without any transportation, but she thinks it would’ve served her right if he did. The pounding headache makes it feel like she’s hungover only without the good memories of the night before. All she sees when she closes her eyes is the hurt expression on his face after she majorly freaked out on him.

  
The sun is shining brightly in her eyes and she groans when she forces herself to get dressed. She lets out a sigh of relief at the imagery of Blake’s travel bag next to her suitcase.

Wherever he is, he can’t be too far.

She double checks if she has her hotel key before leaving the room. They have an hour left before they need to check out, but that’s the furthest thing from her mind right now. She takes the elevator down to ground zero and walks out to the parking lot. Blake’s truck is still there but she doesn’t spot him anywhere.

It’s not until she’s about to walk back inside and call him, that a low whistle catches her attention.

She looks behind her to find Blake leaning against the side of the building, holding his phone in the air as if he tries to get a better signal.

Gwen squints her eyes.

“What are you doing?” She asks softly.

She walks towards him with a bit of hesitance in her step. She doesn’t know if her presence is appreciated by him any longer and it makes her feel incredibly heavy in spirits.

“Couldn’t sleep.” He offers her. “Got some breakfast downstairs and thought I’d map out the rest of our route, assuming you still want to keep going…”

Gwen swallows roughly. “Of course I do.”

“We can take a short cut.” Blake says. “I think I found a way to get to Tish in about three hours. I can have the plane ready for you immediately when we get there, that way you don’t have to spend unnecessary time at my place and you can get back to your kids.”

She stands close enough to him that their arms nearly touch, his words filling her with more sadness than she understands. A breeze picks up and emphasizes the chills she feels along her neck and spine.

“That’s not…. It’s not unnecessary time, Blake.”

“You don’t have to say that.” He informs her.

“I’m not. Blake, I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” He asks. “You’re a mom first and foremost. Besides, you’ve made it clear that you thought this was a mistake. I’m just glad I know where your priorities lie now.”

“With my kids?”

“With _him_.”

Gwen narrows her eyes. Maybe she underestimated his annoyance.

“What?”

“Do you wish you’d never said yes to coming with me?” He asks. “Are you still in love with him?”

She almost laughs, flabbergasted.

She’s spent too many nights crying on his shoulder for him to ask this question. But there’s something else that throws her off her axis – his fear.

Blake has quite literally been her rock throughout all this. They might have leaned on each other most nights, but she’s gotten so used to his courage all the time, she forgot how damaged he really is.

“How can you ask me that?”

Blake throws his hands up. “I don’t know, Gwen. Maybe because we spent the last two days of this trip kissing each other every chance we got while yesterday you tell me just as easily that it was all a mistake.”

The sentence hangs there as Gwen bites down on her lower lip.

Blake clears his throat. “I just thought this was different. I thought you- “

He doesn’t finish his sentence, but she owes him a response regardless.

“What?” Gwen asks softly. “That I liked you?”

Blake looks up at her dark brown eyes and she wants to slap herself for being so insensitive last night. She had let her fears get the best of her and didn’t even realize how much she’d hurt Blake in the process.

“I do like you, Blake.” She says. “Too much.”

Blake frowns. “Why do you say that?”

“Because….” She sighs. “This is the first time since my life exploded in my face that I left my kids. Not only did I leave them, I’ve been having a _great_ time. You’ve made me forget about all the shit going on back home and not because you’ve been distracting me with some meaningless rebound- it’s actually the opposite.”

Blake’s shoulders lose some of its tension at her words but he still looks at her like he’s two seconds away from being left hanging. She gets why he’s so reluctant to accept her words but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. She needs the bubbly and confident Blake to come back and tell her it’s okay. That she didn’t ruin everything and that he still wants her around.

”If I pushed you in any way...”

”You didn’t!”

”Just hear me out.” He gently silences her. “If I made this trip about myself and my own feelings instead of focusing on yours, I’m sorry. I know this is weird for both of us. All I’m asking is for you to be honest with me - if you don’t want me in the same way, I can take that. At least I think so. Just don’t string me along. Please Gwen, I don’t think I could take it.”

She swallows roughly. 

“None of what you just said is true to me.” She whispers sadly. “None.”

She wants to kiss that stupidly tragic look of insecurity off his face and drown him in love and positivity for the rest of his years. 

“What now?” He asks softly.

“I don’t know.” It’s the honest answer. “But I do know that I want to continue this trip. I want to see your hometown and I want to spend at least a full day there. Do you still want me there too?”

His eyes flicker up to hers. “I…. I need you to be sure.”

“I am.”

“Maybe we need to slow things down a bit.” Blake suggests. “Just two friends roadtripping and showing each other around. That’s what we came here to do in the first place, right?”

The countless of times she’s pressed her lips against his on this trip make his words sound so contradictory, but she knows he’s right. He’s spooked by how easy it was for her to dismiss what they had last night and he needs this break as much as she does.

Even when she doesn’t feel like it.

“Yeah.” She whispers. “Friends.”

“For now.” He adds.

The addition fills her heart with hope but she won’t let it show. She needs to be careful this time, protect them both from the fragile state of her heart.

“Are we okay?”

She’s surprised to find him reach for her hand.

“We’re good.”

She looks down at their hands where his thumb rubs across her knuckle.

They’re good. For now that’s all that matters.


	12. The Night Sky

She knows their time on the road is coming to an end. They’ll arrive at Tishomingo in about two hours and it feels like the end of a movie script. One you don’t even have to watch to know the ending. It’s like getting to the last chapter of a book, a fading sunset or even a kiss goodbye. It feels final, despite the two days she will have left to spend at his ranch.

Things had been so easy up until yesterday. She carries a heavy weight with her to know that has ended as well. Blake has been nothing but nice today but things still feel different. They have changed overnight and she’s desperate to get them back to a place of comfort.

“Are we still going the right away?” She asks.

It’s nearing dawn now and the sky glows with pink and purple colors to indicate sundown. They’re not on the main road anymore either which is what got her attention.

Blake smiles and doesn’t answer right away. Whatever route he has cooked up for them is already much sweeter than the empty landscape they’ve passed through for the last two hours. That’s what quiets her as she decides to wait him out.

He looks relaxed and it’s a sight for sore eyes.

She hated the tension filled look he wore last night and even this morning. But now he wears a soft smile, one arm hanging out the window. Blake pulls off to the side of the little two lane road and chuckles at her confusion. He kills the truck engine and all they can hear is the sound of crickets and faint roaring of cars on the highway.

“Where are we?” She tries again.

  
“A few hours ago you said you missed that night under the stars. I know it’s not exactly night out right now, but I figured we could have one last moment underneath the darkening sky while being out on the road together.”

Her eyes burn painfully with the pressure of tears behind them.

Truthfully, she doesn’t think she can ever relive that night. Huddled up close to Blake in the back of his truck with nothing but his body and a bunch of blankets to keep her warm. Feeling like a teenager falling in love for the first time and just hoping – _waiting_ \- for her crush to make a move and touch her. It had been the most alive she’s ever felt.

But the fact that her mindless ramblings from earlier made him think of something like this, is enough to get her emotional. Her words weren’t spoken with any alternative motive or intention, but to Blake that didn’t seem to matter.

She smiles teary-eyed. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He says. “Grab some blankets from the back?”

She nods while unbuckling her seatbelt, following Blake out of the truck hastily. They both reach over the backseat to retrieve some blankets and make their way out to the small field. Blake stretches out one of the quilts for them to sit on while motioning for Gwen to use hers for warmth.

Once they’re situated, her shoulder touches his lightly. She feels the same safety and protectiveness she did the other time only now she feels less deserving of it. Blake keeps his gaze in front of him, staring at the serenity of green around them. She knows this is what Blake likes the most – being outdoors and soaking up the landscape.

She can’t blame him. She thinks he might be rubbing off on her.

“I’m nervous.” Blake says while softly looking at her.

She fidgets under his stare.

“Why?”

She has an inkling what this could be about but really hopes she’s wrong. She might not have been perfect and her freak out earlier hadn’t exactly brought them to a better place, but she hoped at least her apology this morning had been received as sincere.

Blake chuckles. “I guess it’s finally hitting me that you’re about to see where I come from. Where I like to go whenever I’m not in LA.”

Gwen frowns.

“Why would that make you nervous?” She asks. “Blake, I’m so excited to see this place.”

He nods.

“I know that. It’s just…I haven’t brought anyone there in a long time, you know? Not since…”

His voice trails off and she swallows the pile of emotion that stacks up her in throat. She knows exactly what _that_ feels like and it hurts her to know he’s going through it too.

“Since your divorce.” She finishes for him.

“Yeah. I usually go back there alone or stay with my family. Aside from them, my friends and Miranda, I don’t think there’s ever been another girl there.”

Gwen nods, feeling super vulnerable.

“Do you...regret this?” She asks softly. “Bringing me?”

His silence has Gwen tripping all over the broken pieces of her heart. She nearly bursts with the nerves that crowd her chest and throat.

“Actually.” Blake speaks pointedly. “I don’t at all. I feel like maybe I _should_ , maybe I should feel differently after…what happened. But I don’t, Gwen. I feel exactly the same.”

She’s never felt so disarmed in her life.

“Blake.” She whispers. “I know I’ve hurt you with the way I acted last night and I wish I could take it all back. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve any of it.”

He looks at her so strongly, it intimidates her a little bit. He wraps his arm around her shoulder not stopping even when she gasps at the sudden impact. He holds her close against him, his thumb rubbing across her collarbone.

“Will you tell me what I can do?” He nudges her.

She looks at him funny.

“To make this easier for you.” He adds. “I don’t want to make your life more stressful or make your heart feel heavier. That’s never what I want.”

“I know that.” She breathes, feeling bad for even allowing him to think he _ever_ could.

“But I also don’t want to walk away from this. From you. I think it would be devastatingly regretful if we did.”

Having this man so willing to give her a piece of his heart might be the biggest gift she’s ever received, aside from her three children. She’s asked God countless times to remove everything toxic in her life and grace her with something real. Something she could put her faith in and water and grow with nothing but love and compassion.

She wants to water and grow whatever this thing is with Blake.

“Are you sure you still want this?” She asks while ducking her head down. “I’m not exactly baggage free. I’m not even legally divorced yet.”

“But you’re going to be right?”

She recognizes the tone of voice, the slight waver of confidence.

If he still thinks there’s any chance she might go back to her ex-husband, for whatever horrible reason, she needs to get that out of his head once and for all.

“Yeah, there’s no question about that.” Her cheeks flush at the intense gaze they’re sharing. “It’s over between him and I. I don’t ever want to go back to that.”

Blake physically embodies relief after her words are spoken into the quiet air around them.

“Then I know for sure that I don’t want to let this go, Gwen.” He affirms.

“I don’t want that either.”

“We’ll take this slow. We don’t have to label this as anything, we just live in the moment. I just want as many moments as I can have with you. That’s all I ask.”

She crooks her brow. “My…moments?”

“Yes.” He says. “All of them. I mean…. not _all_ of them, you obviously have other people and other things in your life that demand attention. God I’m sorry that sounded way too needy, I just meant- “

She chuckles while cupping his cheeks between her palms. “Please shut up.”

Blake looks at her with wide eyes and she decides to lessen the sting by pressing her lips to his.

She knows they just agreed on taking things slow, but she hopes he meant that more in the spiritual and mental way. Not physically.

He lets himself be lowered onto the quilt that’s between their bodies and the grass beneath it. She climbs on top of him so she can follow him down all the way, not allowing there to be any space between their mouths. They’ve done a lot of talking today and she’s ready to use their lips for anything _but_ right now.

Blake parts his legs just a little bit so Gwen can slide between them more easily. They are so perfectly pressed together she can feel everything from his quick heartbeat stuttering through his chest to his growing erection between his legs. She presses her hips down just because and Blake’s response is a breathy exhale into her mouth.

This trip has had many firsts for her – sleeping on a tailgate, sharing a bed with someone who wasn’t her ex, sleeping in cheap motels, swimming nearly naked in a lake, and now she can add hooking up with Blake out in the open air to that list too.

She’s not sure how far they’ll take it, but she can’t stand the thought of stopping now.

They keep kissing, even when her chest starts feeling low on oxygen. Blake’s mouth is firm and demanding against her own like he’s trying to memorize every bit of her. She can tell he’s trying to keep his hips under control but she forces his hand by pressing down on him each time. She can feel the sharp outline of his arousal through his denim and every point of contact makes a surge of want course through her body.

Her hands find the buttons of his shirt and she wants to cuss out loud when her shaky fingers are unable to undo them. It’s been such a long time since she’s felt desire like this and her whole body seems to shake with the force of it.

Blake smiles softly and grabs her hands in his, holding them against his chest.

“We don’t have to.” He says against her lips. “I want to make this special for you, Gwen. I want to get you home first. In a proper bed. And then I wanna do what we’ve both been thinking about for a while – over and over again.”

She moans at his words.

“Blake- “

“Not here.”

“Not here.” She agrees while claiming his lips again. “But we’re not stopping. Not yet.”

He chuckles against her but she doesn’t let it break the kiss. With her hands still pressed against his chest it’s impossible not to feel the thumping of his heartbeat underneath her fingertips. It’s quite possibly the most connected she’s ever felt to another human being. She feels herself tear up and Blake notices. He lets go of her hands and grabs the side of her face, pressing slow and careful kisses to her chin and jawline. His touches are so soft and gentle, they tell her everything she needs to know in this moment.

He gets her. He won’t hurt her.  
  


She’s home now.

She rolls her eyes when Blake sucks at the skin of her neck and she presses her hips into his erection as retaliation. They moan out at the same time and she’s made up her mind then. She needs to see him lose it here. She can’t wait till they get home.

She starts grinding herself into him with purpose, hands tangling in his hair.

“Gwen, honey...”

“I know, Blake.” She whimpers. “God, I know.”

“If we don’t stop now, I’m gonna make a mess of – “

“We’re almost home.” She counters, cutting off his ramblings about dirty boxers. “And Blake?”

“Yeah?”

“Stop talking.”  
  


Together they move with only the sounds of nature in the background. His chest rises and falls while she follows his hips movements in perfect symmetry. His hands grip her waist and her eyes flutter shut at the perfect feeling of his hips canting up into hers. Her mouth claims his lips again and between his hot tongue and firm hands she doesn’t stand a chance.

Her back arches on top of him after a few minutes of grinding against each other and she literally _keens_ to feel all of him. Somewhere where they can be loud and honest and take as much time as they want.

Soon.

She feels the twitch in her stomach and the tight feeling in her gut before she shudders out her pleasure on top of him.

Blake says something to her through it all but she doesn’t catch his exact words. The slight hum of his mouth against her is what indicates he’s about to fall off the edge too. One more grind of her hips is what does it. A soft cry of her name leaks out of his lips and his body trembles just a little when he lets go.

She lays limp on top of him, his hand twirling around strands of her hair. Their breathing evens out while one of her legs is still tangled around his thigh. She could stay here forever if she didn’t want to see his hometown so badly.

“You okay?” He asks.

She hums.

“It’s been so long since I’ve done… _that_.”

Blake chuckles. “Me too, darling.”

“I don’t think I can get up just yet.” She whispers. “Too comfortable.”

“There’s no rush.”

“But I want to see Tish.”

She can feel his smile against her forehead.

“You will. And if I get my way, you’ll be coming back there quite a few times more.”


	13. The Realization

It’s around 1 am when they arrive in Tish. Her eyes are tired but she wants to soak everything up from the moment they drive up his property.

The large house is low and expands across acres and acres of land. She knew from stories he owned an incredible amount of land, but seeing it in real life feels quite dazzling to be honest. Blake smiles as he watches her soak the place up before unbuckling his seatbelt and unloading their suitcases from the truck.

Gwen finally slides down the vehicle as well, her feet hitting hard concrete that only leads to the front entrance. It has similarities to the dirt road they passed earlier - hardened mud being the soil to walk on aside from the patch of concrete that’s strategically placed. There’s nothing but trees and fields wherever she looks, the large compound that’s his house only a spec of dust really compared to the rest of his ranch. She thinks she can see the stables but she’s too far out of her comfort zone to make any assumptions. She’ll wait until he shows her around tomorrow.

She hears the rolling of suitcases behind her and motions to him she can take her own. He shakes his head with a soft smile.

“Open the door?” He asks. “My assistent should’ve been here earlier today, so I’m guessing she left it open.” He informs her.

“Is that safe?” Gwen asks surprised while indeed being capable of pushing the door open without so much as a key needed.

Blake chuckles.

“Did you see these gates we passed before driving up the property? It would be hard for anyone to trespass and make it all the way up to the house.”

“The gate with the sign?” She asks while looking around the main area in the house. “Yeah, I remember. I thought we were entering a theme park.”

“That’s the one.” Blake smiles. “No theme park. But I _do_ have lots of animals.”

She doesn’t know what she expected from the place but this wasn’t it. She thought she’d walk into a western movie set, the stereotypical house of a cowboy- whatever that might be.

But the house is very homey. The dark brown and maroon colors make it feel very safe and delicate which she knows is hard to do with a place this big. The rug in front of the fireplace catches her attention immediately, right after being drawn to the large deer head on the wall above it.

She bites her lip before looking back at Blake, who’s still checking her out from where he’s standing in the kitchen. He closes the refrigerator door and smiles at her again.

“We have milk and eggs in the fridge for breakfast tomorrow. If we need anything else, we might have to take another trip out to a supermarket.”

He looks a bit sheepishly at her and she realizes this is Blake being nervous.

“Is there a supermarket nearby?”

“Not exactly.” He rubs the back of his neck with a smile. “Hence the taking another trip comment.”

She bites her lip again but this time to refrain from laughing.

“Eggs are perfect. Besides, I’ve spent multiple days in the car with you, are you really nervous I’m gonna hate driving to the _supermarket_ with you?”

He laughs lowly.

“I just realized while we were on the way here that I only asked my assistent to tidy the place up for you a bit- I didn’t mention anything about food.”

She doesn’t know if he meant to admit that to her but her heart warms up with a tingly feeling. She walks a bit closer to him, leaning her elbows on the kitchen counter.

“I love the place so far.” She says softly. “It looks so comfy, so you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She affirms. “It’s beautiful. I can definitely see why you’d wanna retreat here whenever you don’t have to work.”

“And you haven’t even really seen the outdoors yet. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but it’s really something special.”

Gwen nods excitedly.

“I believe you. I can’t wait to see it and for you to show me around. Do we need to walk around in the mud a lot? Because I just realized I might not have taken the right shoes with me for that.”

Blake laughs at her, reaching out a hand to rub at her arm.

“No darling, I figured you wouldn’t really be into that.”

She looks down bashfully. 

“I would totally do that for you, I just don’t have the right shoes.”

“How about we just take it one step at the time?” He grins. “No mud this time around?”

She nods with a smile. “Okay.”

As if on cue, a yawn escapes her lips and she covers her mouth with her hand. She didn’t realize it was this late already, but her body has a way of reminding her. All this time on the road and hotels, she was pretty excited to sleep in an actual house again.

“I didn’t want to be presumptuous before so I had her make ready the guest room, if you want.”

His words come out a little bit awkwardly and she smiles at him to let him know it’s alright. She’s touched he’s always thinking about her needs first, never wanting to take it too far without knowing for sure she’s ready.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to sleep with you in your room.”

It’s gonna be hard coming back home and having to sleep alone again. She’s gotten so used to being pressed against Blake’s frame at night, it’s hard to sleep without him. She did so last night and she barely managed at any shut eye. She doesn’t wanna waste another night at this trip without him next to her.

“I definitely don’t mind.” He smiles gently. “Let me show you around upstairs.”

They roll the suitcases up to his master bedroom, the suite large just like everything else in this house. There are guitars and picture frames scattered all over the place but somehow it still looks neat. Like it all belongs right there.

The bed is large, a wooden head frame decorating the beginning of it. There’s another brown colored carpet lying at the feet of it and the view from there is looking out over a sea of land. She can hardly make out anything in the dead of the night, but she can only smile at the knowledge they’ll wake up to all that in the morning.

The door on the end must be the entrance to the adjoining bathroom and when Blake talks again, she gets her suspicions confirmed.

“If you wanna go get ready, the bathroom is all yours. I’ll send a quick text out to my assistant to thank her for what she’s done with the place.”

Gwen nods before picking up her purse and bringing it with her. She’s done much quicker than usual, being so tired she doesn’t want to do more than necessary. She brushes her teeth and changes into her sleep attire. She puts her hair up in another messy bun and takes off her make-up. When she walks back into the bedroom, Blake is nowhere to be found but she’s too tired to wait up for him. She pulls back the covers and lets herself fall into the warm sea of blankets.

A few minutes later, Blake comes back completely dressed for bed and she makes a mental note to ask him where the other bathrooms are. She watches as he crosses the room and seems to turn up the heat, grabbing some extra pillows and blankets from the closet and draping it over the bed. Gwen smiles softly and murmurs an inaudible thank you.

He crawls in next to her, his arms immediately wrapping around her tiny frame. She pushes her back further into his chest, letting him engulf her. The feeling is so good, she falls asleep within minutes.

* * *

  
She wakes in the middle of the night, suddenly realizing she’ll have one more night left on this trip. Her mind becomes restless as the hours tick by. His arms are still wrapped around her, holding her close. She feels his calf against hers as their legs twine together. He’s got his head buried in her hair.

She lifts her head slowly, looking back at him in the darkness. Her blurry vision tells her there’s moisture pooling in her eyes before she’s totally aware of her suddenly heavy feeling. She tries to push aside the storm of emotions swirling through her, but she fails the moment his eyes snap open and meet hers.

She turns around in his arms, feeling too much to fully comprehend.

This man has made her see in color again, he’s kissed her back to life and been ever so patient. The thought of real life calling them again and this impromptu vacation coming to an end, is a bitter pill to swallow. She doesn’t know if and _how_ things will change, but she’s scared to think of what might happen when they go back to their busy lives and schedules.

Blake loosens his hold on her enough to bring his thumb to her cheek, swiping away the moisture that has escaped despite her efforts to hold back the tears. He follows the touch with his lips, gentle on her cheek, then lower, searching for her mouth. She melts into him right away, seeking the reassurance she so desperately craves and allowing him to take from her everything that she has not yet found the words to voice.

"I've got you, Gwen.” He whispers against her lips, steals from her another soft kiss. "I've got you."

She’s convinced he knows what’s going around in her head and he’s telling her without too many words that he won’t let her fall, not here and not when she’s back in Los Angeles.

"I know you do.” She breathes and it is so insubstantial, not even close to enough. But it’s what she has right now and he deserves everything she has and more.

She smiles through the tears as she lowers her head to rest against his chest once more, his body warm and solid against her. His arms settle around her again, holding her together while allowing her to fall apart if she needs to.

Her right arm finds its way to his chest, coming to rest directly over his heart, and she can feel him smile against the top of her head.

At some point she is going to need to concoct a plan, one which will make this easier for the both of them. One which will allow them many more nights in each other's company. They deserve that. They deserve a shot at pure, untarnished happiness.

"Sleep, pretty girl.” He mumbles, breaking her train of thought.

She nuzzles into his chest and breathes him in. She revels in the safety of his embrace and finds her tears dried. All she can think about is how perfectly content she’d be if all they did for the remainder of this trip was lay here in each other’s arms.

She thinks maybe that’s what real connection is really all about.

She smiles.

Maybe things don’t look so bad for them after all.


	14. The Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’m back. I apologize for taking so long, I’ve been struggling with a bit of writers block. It left me feeling very uninspired and disappointed and I honestly didn’t feel like I had anything of quality to offer to this story. I’m slowly starting to get back into the swing of things, but I’m not feeling too confident about this one. Thanks to everyone who still waited for this update- it means the world. The next one will be better.

She crouches down to her knees to talk to Betty who’s determined not to leave either of their sides. It’s barely the crack of dawn when they wake up by the sound of roosters and Gwen had been adamant about going outside and seeing more of his place. She was a little disappointed when they arrived here so late last night, as she’d been hoping he would give her the grand tour immediately.

They walk to where the stables are and she gets shown around the aligning pen where the hogs and chickens are kept. She doesn’t know if she loves or hates the animals, since they were so determined to wake them up around five. It’s quite the sight to see though- the sky an orangey pink color and the slight fog gives the rest of his acres a mystique that’s just too beautiful to put into words.

Together they feed the horses and Blake tells her about their names and favorite trails. He promises to take her horsebackriding as soon as the fog clears, not wanting to get out there with the trails not fully visible. He shows her around the most pivotal areas of the Ten-Point Ranch and she tries her best to soak in all the information he gives her.

She never knew she could be this interested in the farm life. It dawns on her that maybe she just doesn’t want him to stop talking ever.

They get back at the house around noon and he makes them a lunch that consists of dry toast and more eggs. They drive out towards the town to do some groceries later and Gwen smiles and holds on to his arm the whole time. Blake told her he’s never seen paparazzi here, so aside from some curious locals, they don’t have to be too afraid of their secret coming out yet. It’s a good thing, because she doesn’t think she could let go of his arm even if the situation had been different.

When they get back home, they put away the new groceries and Blake finally decides it’s safe enough to go and ride the horses. She’s nervous but her excitement quickly takes over when he’s helping her up the large animal. She’s only ridden a horse once before in her life and it’s like she forgot all about the experience. He gently instructs her to tug at the reins after she’s gotten her feet stable in the stirrups.

Blake keeps his pace slow and simple as his horse tracks besides hers. She had been intimidated initially by the height of the animal, not used to being so high up. Walking alongside Blake makes her just slightly less nervous. By the time he’s helping her down again and leading the animals back to their stable, she feels the soreness spreading in her joints.

He looks at her with an amused grin when her hand reaches for her lower back.

“Sore?”

She chuckles. “I don’t remember it being this bad the last time I rode one.”

“And we only rode for about an hour.” He teases. “How about we go inside to warm up a little and I give you one of my special massages?”

Gwen crooks her brow. “You give massages now, too?”

“I’m good for many things.”

She laughs.

“That remains to be seen.”

He holds his hand out and she grabs it without hesitation.

He leads her back into the house, motioning for her to sit in front of the fireplace. 

He rummages around a bit in the kitchen, coming back with two cups of steaming chocolate milk. He disappears out in the back before returning with multiple piles of wood. The flickering of the flames against the splinters of brown have a strangely calming effect on her. The warmth of the fireplace quickly penetrates the rest of her body, warming her up from the inside out.

She flinches when another painful jab courses through her lower back and Blake looks up when her hand reaches for the sore spot again. He manoeuvres himself behind her, gently tapping her hand and motioning for her to let him take over.

His fingers work her body until she’s fully relaxed against him. All the earlier tension and soreness in her joints, slowly evaporating with his touch. His hands take the liberty of sliding past the fabric of her shirt, touching soft bare skin.

She presses her lips together tightly, her head leaning against his shoulder.

“Is this nice?” He asks.

She knows it must be a rhetorical question, as she’s practically pursing her lips to keep from moaning out loud at his ministrations.

“ _Uh huh._” She chokes out.

She can hear the grin in his voice when he speaks.

“Anything else you want?”

His fingers rub teasingly along her sides, causing her to jerk a bit in his arms. He’d only have to move up a few inches before his hands would touch the underwire of her bra. She waits for his fingers to get there, but he keeps moving them down, back to her waist.

“Don’t be mean.” She pouts.

He kisses her cheek soundly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, sweetheart.”

She looks up at him through her lashes, biting her lip.

“Blake please.”

His hands wander along her stomach, while one of them slips out from under her shirt and starts slowly rubbing her thigh.

“Is this more like it?”

She’s in torture. Unsure about whether she wants to move up into his hand that is close to cupping her breast, or grind her hips up so his other one slides towards her center more.

She moans out loud when his hand quickly graces past the lace fabric of her bra.

  
“You’re teasing me.”

He chuckles, his warm breath hitting the side of her face.

“I’m doing no such thing.”

“You’re literally being so mean right now. I thought you were supposed to be good for many things.” She teases right back.

He laughs at her reference to his earlier words, his head nodding in agreement.

“You’re right.” He says, his hand sliding to cup her breast determinedly now.

“Fuck.”

“Just lay back and relax, baby.” He coos into her ear. “I’ve got you now.”

* * *

Gwen didn’t even realize she had dozed off until she felt gentle fingers trail through her hair, down the back of her neck. She had stirred awake again, her eyes making out the rug in front of the fireplace and a blanket covering her small frame. She was lying on the floor, his body pressed tightly against her as he spooned her.

“Welcome back.” He chuckles.

She lets her head rest against his chest, enjoying the feel of his warm body behind her.

“Sorry, cowboy. You can take it as a compliment though.”

His hand finds it proper placement on her waist again.

“You’re talking about me making you feel so good you passed out afterwards? _Trust me_ , that’s a firm number one on my list of biggest achievements.”

She giggles in both embarrassment and giddiness.

“Stop it.”

He nuzzles her neck. “Don’t wanna.”

“Blake?” She whispers, his hand squeezing her side gently.

“Yes, darling?”

“Does this feel weird to you?” She asks softly. “Any of it?”

She can tell he’s giving her question serious consideration.

His hand continues to rub along her waist. “Not really. I don’t know why- or how- but being around you seems to be the _only_ thing that makes sense to me. That doesn’t feel weird.”

“Are you scared?”

“A little.” He admits. “This feels right though, doesn’t it?”

She nods immediately, her head still resting right above his heart.

“It does.” She hums. “You’re really good at making me feel calm, cowboy.”

“Yeah?” His voice becomes this teasing, almost cocky sound again and she’s starting to figure out she might like that the most.

“I hope your ego can handle that.”

“My ego is just fine.”

“You sure?” She bites her lip to keep from giggling like a teenager in love, but she can’t stop the feeling from spreading everywhere.

“We can find out, just to be sure…”

The palm of Blake’s hand is big, hot where it rests on her waist. It leaves a trail of heat in its wake and she gasps when he smooths down his hand past the edge of her pants.

She smirks before turning around in his embrace, pretending to be shocked at his brazen attempt at feeling her up. 

She grins while shifting comfortably on her side, bringing them face to face.

“Are you trying to start something again?” She whispers.

He leans forward until they bump noses, his grin blinding.

“I just thought we’d take full advantage of the fact you’re awake.”

“That so?” She asks.

His hand slides to the front of her jeans, slowly tugging down her zipper. He kisses her softly, his tongue doing a quick sweep against her lips.

“Yes.” He murmurs.

He kisses her again and it’s just so easy for her to melt into him completely after that. She tangles her fingers in Blake’s crazy hair, while draping one of her legs over his hips.

His fingers start working her over again and it’s just _so easy_.


	15. The Last Night

She swallows hard when Blake’s knee brushes against hers. She feels idiotic- they’ve touched so many times before, the feel of his body definitely no stranger to her these days. 

Blake’s knee touching hers shouldn’t send this many shockwaves through her body, it really shouldn’t.

She’s not experiencing love and sex for the first time either, but with the way her body continues to respond to him, she might as well be.

Blake’s knee is not merely a graze though. It’s resting there, warm and solid. They’re sitting next to each other on the floor, the television hanging above the fireplace playing a silly movie that neither one of them seem necessarily into. They had just finished dinner and it had been a nice surprise to realize Blake just wanted to eat pizza and sit in front of the tv and lounge around.

She’s starting to like that casualty more than the fancy wining and dining she’s used to. There’s no doubt in her mind Blake has some of that in him too, but she secretly loves the way he’s not trying _too_ hard. He’s not buying her expensive things to impress her, instead he holds the door open and makes sure her jacket is all the way zipped up when they walk around his piece of land. He didn’t make her dress to the nines and prepare a four-course meal for her (though she knows he’s an incredible cook and she’s already looking forward to Blake’s promise of showing her soon), instead he softly asked her if she was okay with just eating homemade pizza’s on the floor.

She’s happy- part of her is scared that she’s _too_ happy.

Is she really supposed to feel this good after having her life blow up like it had? There’s obviously still a lot going on that’s not so great, quite a bit of darkness still looming over her life, but in general she’s feeling…good. Better.

She’s too aware of today being the last full day of being here with Blake. Tomorrow in the afternoon they’ll be back on a plane to LA. At least, _she_ will be. Blake’s gonna stay here for a few more days before he’s needed back for a new season of the Voice tapings. She’s gonna miss him like crazy, that much is clear, but she’s also scared.

Scared of what these days apart are gonna be like. Before she said yes to this roadtrip, she accepted the fact he was gonna be gone for a few weeks and she convinced herself that was okay – he was only a friend of hers.

But now something had changed and none of them will be able to deny it any longer.

“Are you still watching?” He says, her body still very aware of his knee against hers.

She wipes her hands on the napkin, before shaking her head. She pushes the pizza box out of the way so she can cross her legs easier. She loses the touch of his knee this way, but now revels in the sensation of her knee pressing into his leg. 

They really are sitting too close.

“Are you?”

Blake snorts. “I still haven’t figured out what the hell we’re looking at.”

Gwen laughs loudly and since when did she laugh like _that_?

“I think the two bridesmaids are secretly into the groom.” She smiles.

“Really?” Blake raises his eyebrows in faux confusion, bringing his eyes back to the screen and then back to her face. “So you’re telling me this movie is not about the strippers at the bachelor party?”

Gwen gently slaps his arm. “Not that type of movie, cowboy.”

Blake dramatically rubs his arm where she just hit him.

“That hurt.”

She looks up at him slightly worried, before realizing he’s messing with her. She takes the bait anyways, her voice high pitched and girly.

“I barely grazed you.”

Blake grins at her, wide and lazy. “I think you need to come kiss it better, that was really mean Gwen.”

They’ve been physical before and even though they didn’t have sex yet, she thinks he’s already been making her feel better than she’s felt in the last twenty years with the things they _did_ do. 

There’s a hesitance there when he flirtatiously asks her to kiss him, realizing they’ll be away from each other by tomorrow and real life will come knocking.

Blake notices immediately, his facial expression falling into a mixture of disappointment and fear.

“Are we backtracking?” He asks.

His defences are thick – she can hear it in his voice- and she knows now is the time to disarm him from those.

“No.” She cuts him off, making it clear he’s misreading her.

“But…?”

“I just want this to be…” Her eye contact slips away as she searches for the right word. “Easy.”

She’s angry with herself for settling on that word, knowing it sounds incredibly naïve.

“Easy?” He repeats with an eyebrow raised as if he didn’t hear her correctly.

“That didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.” She confesses. “I know none of this is easy.”

He lets out a quiet, insecure laugh. “Is anything in life, really?”

“I want this to work out, Blake. I really like you a lot and being here with you is making me so happy. I just don’t want….I don’t want to ruin this too and I just find myself wishing things were easier sometimes. I feel like I need them to be.”

“Listen…” He says softly, scrubbing a rough hand over his lips before continuing. “At the end of the day this is as complicated as we make it. So you can push all the reasons why this thing is so hard between us and smother this this thing before it has a chance to really take off, but it’s not gonna change the way I feel about you. It’s not gonna change the fact that I still think we have something incredibly special here.”

He ends his little speech with an unexpected state of calmness.

Gwen can barely breathe, simply looks at him with wide eyes.

“You…you really mean that?”

A soft and gentle smile covers his lips. “Have I ever lied to you?”

“I’m sorry for saying I wanted this to be easy.” She says. “I know it’s not, but I don’t want you to feel like I don’t think it’s worth it.”

He motions with his hand for her to come closer.

“Why don’t you come here and I show you something that _is_ easy?”

She’s glad to see him try again, both of them hurt enough for that to be scary. Rejection hasn’t been unfamiliar to them and she feels a smile tugging at her lips when Blake softly beckons for her to come forward again. 

There’s no hesitation this time and she reaches out for Blake’s beer while moving it to the coffee table behind him.

She lets both of her legs straddle his while enjoying the way it feels to have Blake’s large hand grip the back of her neck. Even though she made the move of coming forward, it’s Blake who takes the lead as soon as he’s got her in his lap. She has no problem letting him lead, not when his lips are this warm and firm over hers.

She grows needy on top of him but she doesn’t have it in her to stop him or ask for more. Not when he gives her so much, so abundantly. His mouth moves from her lips to her cheekbones, and he’s kissing her everywhere but where she wants him from that moment on.

“Blake.” She whispers, and she holds back a moan as Blake closes his lips on a spot right below her ear.

He pulls back for a moment and she’s going speechless by how he looks at her like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

His hands are on her sides, pushing her shirt up so his hands touch soft skin. She grinds down on top of him, going crazy from his kisses and stares. When he traces her jawline with his fingers and trails a bunch of kisses where his finger just touched, she’s had enough.

She throws her hands around his neck and guides their mouths together. What starts of nice, turns frantic and dirty quickly. They kiss like they’re desperate- teeth scraping against tongue, her fingernails digging into the muscle of Blake’s back.

She feels drunk on his touch and she realizes that if this is the last night they get together in a while, she doesn’t want to waste a single moment not feeling his skin against hers.

“Blake…” She tries again, his kisses making her lightheaded.

“Yeah, baby?”

He answers her while one of his hands slides up to cup her breast through her shirt. She gaps at the sensation it creates even when she’s still fully clothed.

“I want you so bad.” She whispers.

“What do you want?”

It’s hard to think, let alone speak when she’s sitting on top of him still. His hands continue to pull her into him and she could stay like this forever – Blake’s hand in her hair, other one on her breast, mouth everywhere else and her hips moving in tiny circles against his own.

“ _Blake_.” She gasps, high and shaky. “Please.”

He smirks against the side of her face. “I don’t know what you want, pretty girl.”

Blake’s hand rolls her nipple between his fingers, even through the flimsy fabric of her bra. But it’s enough to get her mind to finally align with her mouth.

“Bed.” She says. “I don’t want to wait anymore, Blake.”

He pulls back a little to look at her.

“Are you sure?” He asks softly, hesitantly. “Gwen, I can wait. You don’t have-“

“I don’t want to wait, I’m sure. I haven’t been this sure about anything in a long time.” Her voice sounds like desperation mixing with desire. “I just want to feel you. All of you.”

Blake looks at her like he can’t believe the words coming out of her mouth, smiling like he can’t even help it.

“God damnit woman, you’re perfect.”

She smiles widely before kissing him again.

“Take me upstairs, cowboy.”

“Say no more.”

They reluctantly part as they get up from the floor, Blake’s hand searching for hers quickly.

They stumble against the wall and then once again after they climbed the stairs. Neither one seems to get enough of each other’s lips. When he pushes her against the wall again right outside of his bedroom, it becomes actual torture.

“Blake.” She murmurs against his mouth. “ _Now_.”

He chuckles lowly at her desperation, but doesn’t spend another second longer kissing her filthily against the wall.

She feels nerves pooling in her gut, goosebumps breaking out all over her skin when she’s led to his bedroom. His hands pull her hips to him roughly, kissing her again when there’s not a single inch of space left between their bodies. He works her shirt off in no time, planting kisses up and down her chest.

“Still good?” He asks and his consideration is close to bringing her to tears.

There’s no trace of doubt left in her mind.

“I just want you, Blake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for ending it here... 
> 
> The next one will pick up right where it left off ;)


	16. The Last Night, P.II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took me a little longer than I thought, I apologize..

The next few minutes are spent furiously stripping each other of clothing. Their hands eagerly exploring every inch of exposed flesh. Their mouths are trailing skin they hadn’t seen before. When Gwen expected him to go full speed ahead after getting her completely naked, he did the opposite- pulling back enough to catch her eyes, hovering above her on his elbows.

Their bare chests connect lightly, Blake’s finger trailing down the smooth surface of her stomach.

“You…” He whispers, kissing her shoulder blade. “…Are so gorgeous.”

“Blake.”

Another kiss, this time to her chest. “And so incredibly sexy.”

He takes his time kissing down her stomach, murmuring sweet words against her naked skin.

She’s a mess by the time he’s moved himself down the bed and down her body. He’s lying in between her legs, tapping them gently in a silent order for her to spread them.

It’s been a while since she’s been intimate with anyone and it surely has been a while since she had sex with anyone who wasn’t Gavin. She has never felt insecure with Blake, but having him so close to where she wants him most makes her a little self-conscious.

She bites her lip before spreading her legs slowly, a gasp escaping her mouth when Blake’s mouth scatters kisses along her inner thigh.

“God, you’re perfect.” He whispers against her, before moving up to kiss her lower stomach.

He avoids her center still and she’s starting to become squirmy underneath his touch. The way his words connect so deeply with her soul makes the moment even more intimate. She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he starts running his fingers up and down her leg, the touch on the right side of ticklish.

He waits for her eyes to open and her gaze to connect with his.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to do this?” He asks.

It hits her that he’s totally aware of the insecurities still coursing through her body. And despite the fact that she’s ready to take this next step, she’s still in a fragile state of mind. As torturous as his slow pace is, it’s the sweetest feeling in the world to be cared for like this.

“Blake, please.” She whispers, unable to take it anymore.

He licks at her stomach, dipping his tongue briefly into her naval and chuckling at the squeaky sound that falls from her lips.

“I wanna make you feel good, Gwen.” He says, using two of his fingers to gently spread her out for him. Her entire body jolts backwards on the bed at the feel of his tongue on her clit. “I wanna take care of you.”

Gwen whimpers at it. She rolls her hips up while trying to press more eagerly against his mouth. She never experienced anything like this – the way he’s consummately focused on nothing but her pleasure, sucking and licking at her sensitive flesh until she’s writhing and moaning beneath him.

It takes him less than five minutes to push her over the edge, her hips rising off the mattress as she comes. His lips continue to kiss at her center as she comes down and she’s trying to breath past the overwhelming stimulation.

He moves up her body slowly after she’s come down, a wide grin on his face. He looks damn good like this, all smug and happy.

He kisses her deeply and she groans when he lets her taste herself off his lips. She starts pushing his head up again when he starts kissing her neck.

“I can’t wait any more.” She pleads. “Please fuck me.”

Blake moves suddenly, leaning over her to reach his nightstand and the bed shifts slightly under her. He rips open a condom and puts it on much quicker than she could’ve done it. He uses his hands to pull her closer by her thighs. Gwen blushes at the slight manhandling.

She’s come to find out that there’s not a lot that _doesn’t_ turn her on when it comes to Blake.

He pushes one of her legs open a bit more, one hand cupping her cheek. He kisses her again while guiding himself towards her entrance, waiting for that final piece of confirmation.

She nods against his lips and she feels him push the tip in slowly. She looks up at him breathlessly, trying to accommodate to him as quickly as possible. It’s been a while and he’s not exactly small, so it takes her a few moments to catch her breath and relax.

Blake once again proves to be more than attentive.

“Breathe, pretty girl.”

She gasps against his lips before he claims them again. She feels tears spring to her eyes at the realization this is the first time she’s being intimate again after being married for thirteen years but she feels zero regrets- only gratitude. Blake kisses her slowly before pulling back to gauge how she’s feeling.

She smiles at his attentiveness before grabbing his shoulders at the intensity of it all. He smiles gently while thrusting slowly up into her. She shudders out broken pleas and moans while wondering where this version of her has been all this time.

She’s always loved affection and sex, but never did she consider herself to be particularly noisy in bed.

“You feel so good baby.” Blake whispers against her ear.

She’s in no shape to answer him but she realizes she doesn’t need to. His kisses demonstrate how he’s taking his promise of taking it slow seriously. His lips against hers are almost a bit lazy and it’s the best damn feeling in the world. Even though she tilts her head to deepen their make out, tongue sweeping over the roof of Blake’s mouth, there’s no sense of urgency. They’re simply exploring each other.

His thrusts are getting a bit sharper and the way he forces every feeling out of her so easily makes her cry out in erotic bliss. Her hands seek refuge at his upper arms but he repositions them so he can intertwine their fingers and press them into the pillow. Her gasps are flowing out of her steadily now and she feels the tremors of her orgasm building low in her stomach.

He presses forward a few more times. The darkening of his eyes betrays how aware he is of her pleasure and it’s almost enough to push her over the edge again.

“ _Blake_.” She whispers, her voice nothing but a needy sound.

He just nods, pushing into her with renewed desire.

“Yeah Gwen.” He drawls lowly. “Come for me.” He keeps holding her, keeps moving inside of her and it’s all just too much. “I got you now baby.”

She looks him in the eyes for a few gorgeous seconds before shattering underneath him. Her pleasure takes her well beyond what she knows, her head falling back into the pillow.

* * *

They hadn’t fallen asleep, simply stayed in each other’s arms and just laid there. Normally she would feel the need to fill the silence, but she knew they were both feeling overwhelmed by what just happened. In a good way.

It felt nice to just lay there, tangled up together. If it weren’t for her wandering mind, she thinks she could’ve been laid up with him like that forever.

“I can hear you thinkin’, sweetheart.”

“I’m just…happy.”

Her head is leaning on his shoulder, her fingers mindlessly wandering across his arm. She thinks she might be writing her name into his skin with her fingers, slow and steady patterns across the naked surface.

“It’s never been like that for me.” He admits.

She smiles.

“Me neither. Like, ever.”

Blake chuckles, in the same way he always does when he slightly mocks her valley lingo.

“You’re also super good at that.” She whispers suggestively. “You know that?”

Blake’s brow raises. “In sex?”

She hums. “ _Very_ good.”

Blake’s hand rubs up and down her back gently, before settling above the curve of her ass. She smirks when he gives her backside a little squeeze. “Watch out, you’re about to give me a mega ego boost here. That’s dangerous.”

She laughs loudly. “Somehow, I think you can handle it.”

She nuzzles his neck, loving how he seems to adore the physical touch as much as she does. She never had the privilege of being in relationships with people who enjoyed to snuggle or cuddle up after sex. Blake seems to be the total opposite.

“To be fair, I think I’m only good because it’s with you.” He says. “It’s just natural, you know? Everything just feels right.”

Let it be up to him to take her compliment and turn it into the most sentimental, most genuine thing she’s ever heard. She sniffs into the crook of his neck, hoping he doesn’t think she’s completely losing her mind for getting emotional about this. It’s just…she’s never felt desired like this.

“God, you’re so amazing and you don’t even know it.”

“I could say the same about you.” He says.

They lay like that, quiet and relaxed for some more minutes. Her hand continues to play with every surface of skin she can get her hands on lazily. Blake’s head leans contently against hers.

When she looks up again, Blake’s already looking.

“Hey.” He says softly.

“ _Hey_.”

Gwen curls her fingers around Blake’s arm as she leans in closer, pressing their mouths together. Blake responds instantly and the fluttery feeling in Gwen’s stomach is back in tenfold. Even kissing him is unlike anything else she’s ever experienced.

She pulls back from his lips to rest her head over his heart again. His arms wrap around her back like somehow he knows she belongs there – pressed against his body, safely in his arms.

“I never knew I could be kissed like that.” She whispers. “Until I met this certain cowboy, that is.”

She presses a smile against his chest.

“Really, who?” Blake asks after a minute.

Gwen looks up at him again, shaking her head.

“You’re dumb.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Blake says, grinning.

She rolls her eyes, yet her heart is once again fluttering in her chest. His playfulness while being so closely pressed against him is enough to make her entire body light up with excitement. She’s just so happy, so _giddy_ when she’s around him.

“You’re really gonna make me spell it out for you, cowboy?”

“You betcha, sweetheart.”

She tries her hardest not to smile, slapping his chest. “You. It’s you.”

She feels Blake’s smile before she sees it, feels his lips curve against her shoulder. He brings his mouth closer, leaving delicate kisses along the skin where her jawline meets her throat.

“I’ll continue to show you as long as you’ll let me.” Blake whispers against her skin. “I’m all yours.”


	17. The Goodbye

She can’t remember a time she stayed in bed this long. Between her kids, a lengthy career and her restless mind- she hasn’t found herself in a bed past noon in forever. 

Her hair falls lazily in her face and she blushes at how she must look to him. Naked, hair all dishevelled from the night before _and_ this morning, no makeup. 

“Do you know what my favorite thing is?” Blake asks, the sound of his voice echoing from the hallway.

“Is it me?” Gwen jokes. 

“Yes.” He says while making his entrance back into his bedroom. “But that’s not what I was talking about this time.”

“What were you talking about?” She smiles.

“This.” He holds up a plate with two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Gwen laughs at the display of food but shifts back a little bit when he comes to sit next to her on the bed. He balances the plate on his lap and holds out one slice of bread to her. 

“Your own personal morning chef.” 

She winks. “Will this be a more frequent occurrence?”

“I might have to start charging you for my services then.”

She runs a finger down his thigh underneath the covers, smirking at the shudder that passes his lips. 

“I can think of a few ways I could pay you…” 

“Unless you want me to make a disgusting mess of the sheets, I highly recommend you stop that.”

She laughs again, pulling back her hand. 

“I’m only stopping cause I’m hungry.” She lies. “And because I want to see if you’re any good at making these.”

Blake puts a hand over his heart. 

“Darling, these are my specialties.” 

They eat and laugh while occasionally stealing a few light kisses here and there. She compliments his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches once too many and giggles when he immediately becomes cocky. As much as she enjoyed the lazy breakfast in bed, she loves it even more when he grabs the two small plates and puts them on the nightstand so he can properly hold her in his arms again.

It’s dawning on her that their time together is coming to an end in mere hours and her eyes fill up instantly. 

Blake’s nudges her a little when he takes hold of the change in her mood and demeanor.

“Don’t think about it yet.” He says softly. 

She can tell it’s on his mind the same way it is on hers. 

“I just don’t think I’m ready to leave.”

He eyes the bedside alarm clock. 

“We still have around 3 hours.”

“You know what I mean.”

“ _Baby_.” He whispers gravelly.

“I’m sorry.” She says. “I just haven’t felt this good in... forever. This is gonna sound sad, but I didn’t even know it was possible to feel this relaxed with another human being.”

Blake nods. “If that’s sad, you’re not alone in that. I feel the same way.”

“I want to feel this for just a little while longer.” She says.

There’s a long pause before Blake’s soft sigh breaks the silence. His arms tighten around her stomach.

“It doesn’t have to end just because you’re going back home, y’know?”

Nerves fill her body all the sudden.

“What do you mean?”

“We can still feel this feeling.” He replies. “I feel like you’re about to close a chapter or something.”

Gwen sighs. “Can you honestly tell me you’re not afraid that time apart will slap us back into reality?”

“Then what was this?” He argues gently. “Because from what I could tell, all of this was _very_ real. I’m living in reality, Gwen. I want you to be a part of mine.”

”I want that too.” She says softly.

“What’s stopping you?” He asks. “Something obviously is.”

“I’ve gone through this thing a thousand times. I get my hopes up, thinking we’re in a good place and then I get home and you stop calling. You stop texting, stop checking in...”

“Woah.”

“I’m sorry.”

She feels Blake adjust his position against the headboard, his arms around her loosening just a tiny bit.

“That’s not at all who I am and you know it.”

“Blake-“

“I’m not gonna stop calling because I want you Gwen. I think a part of me has wanted you for much longer than I care to admit. I want to stay over at your place and hold you when you have a bad night and get to know your kids better at some point. I’m not planning on leaving things here, Gwen. Not at all. So unless you’re telling me right now that you don’t want this, I’m gonna fight for this thing and I’m gonna expect you to do the same. Because we deserve that.”

She’s got tears rolling down her cheek as his words gently penetrate her soul and leave her aching for more and simultaneously less.

“What do you even see in me?” She whispers.

“That.” He retorts. “That genuine goodness. The fact that you don’t even realize how amazing you are. It’s the thing I love and hate the most about you.”

“Hate?”

“You should never be unaware of how good you are. Someone like you should never even have to ask that question.”

“I’m scared. So scared, Blake.”

“I know.”

He holds her tighter again.

“I wish I weren’t.”

He lowers his head to the crook of her neck.

“What can I do to help?”

“Don’t leave. Mean everything you just told me.”

He continues to lean his head on her shoulder.

“That’s easy.”

She bites her lip. “Don’t stop calling.”

“Not ever.”

“ _Don’t forget about me_.” She whispers.

“Impossible.”

She turns around in his arms and kisses him, needing to feel his lips on hers again. 

He lowers her back onto the mattress and once more she lets him take her to a place only _he_ can take her. 

* * *

It’s been a while since she’s dreaded a separation like this. She’s had the time of her life with Blake on the road for days now and going back to her regular life that won’t consist of as much Blake as she’s gotten used to, completely and utterly sucks. They both agreed on calling each other every night (just to check in, they had said) and see where things go from here. No pressure. But as she stands in front of him in the gentle Oklahoma breeze, she feels every fibre of her being protesting against leaving him. If she didn’t have her kids to go back to, she wouldn’t have left. She’s sure of that. 

She tries telling herself not to be so selfish – she has her children waiting for her at home and Blake has a show to attend to later, thousands of fans excited to see him.

Them having such a great time together for the past week has complicated things though. Now they have something precious they’ll leave behind. 

How fast things can change in just a few days. 

“Think you better get on it, sweetheart.” He says while squinting his eyes at the sun and looking up at the private jet she’s about to fly out on. 

“Thanks again for arranging this.” Gwen whispers, still in disbelief over the fact that he made sure she’d have her private transportation back to the sunny California. 

“My pleasure.”

“I can’t believe I won’t get to see you for at least two weeks.” Gwen pouts.

Blake slides both arms around her back and pulls her closer. 

“We’ll call and text every day. I promise.”

“I know.” She says softly. “It’s just weird- we’ve spent so much time together and now it just stops. Like I’ve had the best time ever and now it’s just ending, I literally can’t wrap my head around any of this.”

Blake sighs, realizing her expression doesn’t brighten. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish we had more time.”

She looks up at him from underneath her ball cap, the one Blake so generously gave her before they left his ranch.

“Thank you for making this trip so awesome for me, Blake. I can’t thank you enough, really.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” 

“I do.” She sniffles. “Before we left, I thought I was never gonna get out of this hell. All I could think about was heartbreak. I’ve only cried a few times while out on the road with you and that wasn’t even because I was truly sad, just confused. But you’ve literally brightened my days, like _so much_ cowboy.”

“Goddamnit honey, I’m gonna miss you.” Blake plants a kiss on her forehead. “You’ll be my first stop when I get back to LA.”

Her expression finally brightens. 

“You mean that?”

“With everything in me.” 

Gwen sinks heavily into his chest, throwing her arms around his waist. Tears fill her eyes as she inhales the rich scent of his cologne, relishing the strength of her grasp. It just makes letting go even harder. She stands on her tiptoes to give him a long, proper kiss. They pull away eventually with their lips wet and sticky, still tasting of each other.

They both stare back at the plane waiting at the tarmac and Gwen winces when she knows it’s time. 

“I should probably really get going.” She says. 

Blake bites his lip. “You should, darling.” 

They kiss one more time, knocking her cap straight off her head. Both look at the ground before giggling, Blake eventually bowing down to grab it from the ground. He brushes it off before handing it back to her. 

“Take good care of it until I’m back.” He jokes. 

“Oh you’re not getting this one back.” She counters, putting it back on her head. “But you can try.”

“It looks much better on you anyways.” 

She feels a blush creep up her cheeks. “I would kiss you again but I think the plane might leave without me if we make them wait even longer.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll make up for lost time when I get back.” 

She blushes and nods, taking a deep breath before forcing herself away from him. Right before she embarks on the last few steps, she looks bad to wave at him. He returns the gesture and she can’t help but wipe a tear from her cheek.

At the top of the steps, spoken into the bristle air around her and far away from Blake’s ears, she speaks a fragile admission of love for him.


	18. The Reunion

Two weeks have passed and she hasn’t seen Blake once. Coming back home had proved to be a difficult adjustment, especially since her life now really had the time to hit the tabloids. She came back to her life being turned into a soap opera- every magazine stand filled with her face and a heartbreaking headline.

The only good thing about coming back from her roadtrip with Blake was getting to see her kids again. They distracted her from all the chaos going on and the ache that was caused from missing her _friend_.

The rest of her days were jam packed. Interviews, meetings and promo for her upcoming album were all in full effect. She misses the way Blake would notice when she got stressed and would put his hands on the little spot where her neck meets shoulder blade. How he would know just the right amount of pressure to use for the knots there to disappear.

She really misses him.

Two more days, she tells herself. Two more days before his plane will land back in Cali and he – hopefully- comes to see her. He said that he would, but she’s learned over the years to never get her hopes up with promises like that.

Apollo tugs at the fabric of jeans around her ankle to demand attention. She’d just gotten off of the phone with her manager, who’s got big plans for her monumental comeback album. She’s scared to say the least, considering she just scrapped a big part of that ‘album’ because she wants to go back and write different songs. The subject slowly changing into a less heartbreaking one and becoming more hopeful.

“What’s up baby?” Gwen coos.

“Blakey!”

Gwen’s heart skips a few beats before she realizes Apollo is shoving the iPad against her thigh. She takes the hint and takes it from his hands, her eyes widening in shock and horror.

Her youngest gets too excited sometimes when playing around with the device and his little fingers had accidently clicked away the video she had started for him, putting him back on the homepage. The biggest news story in the middle of the screen consisted of a photoshopped picture of her and Blake together, with a headline suggesting a ‘blooming relationship between two of the Voice’s superstar coaches’.

Apollo obviously hadn’t given the headline any attention and was getting excited solely because of the fake picture they used. Her youngest child had only ever seen Blake on set a few times, but she knew they always got along greatly. She wonders if Blake ever thought about having children himself, because he’s incredibly good with every child she’s ever seen him with.

“Blakey.” Apollo says again.

Gwen nods. “That’s Blake, from the Voice. Good job, bubba.”

“You are friends.”

Gwen bites her lip in frustration. Frustration over the fact that she can’t ease her kids into this in the pace that she wants- and _needs_. Frustration because if her youngest had so easily stumbled upon this, there’s no way she can protect the older two from seeing anything. If they hadn’t already.

“We are.” Gwen says. “We’re very good friends. He’s really nice, would you want to see him again sometime?”

Apollo nods enthusiastically.

“Play with Blakey, I wanna play with Blakey momma.”

Gwen smiles, unable to stay frustrated at the sheer excitement coming from her baby boy.

“We’ll have to ask him soon.”

With that, her youngest seems to have gotten the answer he wanted and is back to claiming the iPad. She giggles at the short attention span of a toddler before leading him back to the couch. She puts on a more sternly face when he doesn’t listen right away, making it clear that he won’t get the device back until he’s situated back on the cushion.

She puts back whatever show he was watching before and makes sure there aren’t any more tabloid rumours he could accidently stumble upon. When she hands him back the iPad, she rubs a shaky hand over her heart.

The media frenzy had officially begun.

* * *

Her boys were staying with her parents for a day and Blake had texted her earlier this morning that she’d be his first stop. Little did he know she took matters into her own hands and decided to meet him at the airport. She was too excited at the prospect of getting to pick him up and surprise him.

She is nervous for some reason. Nervous because they haven’t seen each other in a while and what if his feelings for her had cooled down? She wouldn’t and couldn’t blame him honestly. It was a lot for him to get into; a mother of three, situated in the city he hates being in, a ton of emotional baggage he got a little taste of while being on the road with her.

She hadn’t even got to tell him about the media craziness yet.

Her stomach has been knotted up from the moment she woke up this morning, but at the same time she can’t stop that giddy feeling from spreading in her chest.

All her nerves momentarily dissipate when she sees him walking off the plane. She told herself she wouldn’t run, but her feet have an idea of their own. As soon as he stretches his arms out to her, she’s running into his arms. He grabs her off the ground and spins her a few times. She doesn’t know if it’s appropriate to kiss him but luckily Blake takes care of that problem.

His lips cover hers gently and she has no defences left in her body. He’s still holding her against him and she’s thankful for that by the time his tongue touches hers. Her breathy moan seems to bring them back to reality as they slowly pull away from each other. Their foreheads still touching.

“I missed you so much.” Blake says. “You didn’t have to come pick me up though, darlin’. I could’ve just gotten a car to your place.”

“I wanted to surprise you.” She says, shaking her head. “It literally feels like you’ve been away for months.”

“I know, I’m sorry baby.”

“How long will you be in LA for?”

His hand rubs her back slowly. “Until next week. I leave Friday cause I have a show in Kansas City.”

Gwen buries her face into his neck and wraps her arms around his waist. Part of her suddenly becomes cautious of the fact they’re out in public and with the media already picking up on their chemistry, she doesn’t want to take even more risks.

“Are you tired? Do you want me to drive you to your place? I kinda wanted to take you home with me but if you don’t want to all you gotta do is say so, because I don’t want you to feel forced or like overwhelmed by me and –“  
  


“Hey hey breathe, baby.” He says calmly. “I would love to go home with you.”

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Okay.”

They laugh and smile the whole way home, both giddy to be back in each other’s presence. She’s glad to have the house to herself for the day because she doesn’t think she’s ready to have Blake hang out there when her kids are home. But there’s no way she was gonna go another day without seeing him.

They walk into her house and she tells Blake to sit as she gets him something to drink. He sits at one of the stools at her kitchen counter and he’s staring at her as if he’s never seen anything so perfect. She rummages through the fridge as she decides on what to get him. When she looks back at him, he’s still staring and looking like he’d be content watching her doing the most mundane stuff forever.

“Here you go.” She says, sliding the glass over to him and keeping their gazes locked.

“Thank you.”

“How were your shows back home?”

Blake smiles. “Awesome. It was nice to just focus on the music again, you know? It’s good to see people still care about that even with all the focus on my divorce from the media.”

She’s reminded by her own panic moment caused by the media and her smile falters slightly. Blake picks up on the change on her face and frowns at her softly.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?”

She rounds the kitchen counter and nods. He watches as she comes to sit down next to him, her body leaning into his shoulder.

She finds it hard to open up to him about this, for some reason. Blake nudges her quietly.

”I can tell something’s bothering you, baby. Why don’t you tell me?”

Gwen nods gently. 

“Apollo was playing on the iPad when he saw a tabloid cover of you and me.” She says softly. “It didn’t show much, just had a fake picture of us on there with a headline that said we were becoming more than friends.”

Blake stays quiet at her revelation, his eyes honing in on her face.

She continues. “Apollo is too young to really understand what any of it means, but if he can find it so easily, so can the other two. That’s just a scary thought.”

Blake swallows roughly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I guess it just really showed me how much I need to protect my kids. But at the same time, there’s nothing I can do.”

“Did they have pictures of our trip?”

She shakes her head. “Not that I know of—or could see. I think they’re just going off a hunch at this point, or a _reliable source_.”

“A reliable source my ass.” Blake retorts, shaking his head before grabbing both her hands. “Honey, I hate this. I know you want to protect your kids from exactly this kind of thing and me being here just makes that more difficult.”

Realizing what he’s beginning to say, her eyes widen and her head starts shaking ferociously.

“I _want_ you to be here, Blake.” She says. “Yes, this isn’t an ideal situation but we knew that already. I don’t want to push you away, I just need to find a way to make this easier on them too.”

Blake nods, obviously relieved. “You’re not alone in that. Whatever you wanna do, however you wanna handle this, I’ll follow your lead.”

Gwen smiles softly, her eyes watering.

“You’re so good to me.” She whispers. “I just think we need to keep this private for a while, no real public outings and no statements to the press yet. We haven’t even really talked about what we are yet and I don’t want to expose the kids to anything until we’re both sure.”

Blake lifts her hand to his mouth and kisses it softly.

“Fine with me, darling. Just so you know, I _am_ sure. That’s why I know there’s no need to rush anything. We just continue to live in the moment.”

Gwen feels tears threatening to spill.

”I just don’t want you to regret this.” She says. 

“Regret what?”  
  


“Me.” She whispers. “I mean you’ve got a sneak preview at my life and my brain while out on the road with me, but it’s different when we’re home. I have to juggle being a mom, an artist and a divorced person. I can’t completely cut Gavin out of my life and that’s gonna suck. It might be too much for you too.”

”Gwen.” Blake breathes, pulling her closer. “I’m not gonna run away because things in your life aren’t easy right now. I know that’s hard for you to believe but I intend on proving that to you.”

She swallows roughly, wiping a finger underneath her eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I missed you so much and all I wanted to do was have a nice and relaxed day with you. Instead I’ve completely brought the mood down and you’re probably already tired.”

”Stop trying to tell yourself you’re ruining anything.” He says. “I want to be here too, Gwen. I missed you, all of you.”

A smile covers her lips now, replacing the small pout from earlier.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.” She warns him playfully, her sadness getting erased by the sparkle in his ocean eyes. 

“Now that’s _really_ fine with me.”


	19. The Instinct

_ Two months later. _

_ LA, California _

_ 4:57 am. _

* * *

  
It’s a little less than pleasant to be woken up from a dead sleep by being incessantly poked in the face.  He tries to ignore it until the sensation moves from his cheek to his eye and it becomes an impossible feat. As soon as the little digit makes a move for the inside of his noise, he’s quick to realize there’s no escaping this. 

It’s one of the things he’s loved the most about getting to be closer to her kids. That suppressed intuition is finally allowed into the world. No longer a pointless trait he possesses and it makes his whole world feel so much more lighter, so much more right.

It’s why he can’t be annoyed when he opens his eyes and is greeted with a soft giggle. He might even argue it’s the second best sound in the world. He won’t let his mind go over the first with the toddler still begging for his attention. No, he definitely needs to focus on  _ anything _ else but the first.

A quick glance at the bedside table tells him it’s way too early and he’s surprised to find Gwen still laid on her side, her blonde hair gracing the pillow gorgeously, her eyes closed in peaceful slumber. 

Deciding he’s gonna do whatever he can to keep it that way – aware of her gruesome schedule lately and added stress of having the media hound them like crazy- he uses his hands to lift the young boy onto his chest.

“Morning buddy.” 

He scrubs a hand over his face, his voice sounding rough due to the fact he hasn’t used it in hours and is still shaking the groggy sleep from his vocal chords. 

“Blakey.” Apollo says way too loudly. 

Blake glances over at Gwen who stirs softly and he lifts his finger up to his mouth. The toddler looks up at him cheekily and Blake chuckles before shaking his head. 

“Tell you what, you can stay in here with us if you promise to let momma sleep a bit longer. You think you can do that, little buddy?

Apollo nods like he just got the most exciting mission. 

“What are you doing up so early? Can’t sleep?” 

Blake tries to stall a little bit before the inevitable excitement from the toddler will ruin all peace and quiet he wished for himself this morning. 

His answer comes in the form of a slap to his chest as Apollo tries to push himself up into a standing position by steadying himself against Blake’s torso.  He chuckles again and hauls the kid up onto the bed next to him, away from Gwen. He tucks himself against Blake’s side and he’s almost a bit lost for words. The way he’s looking up at him with the  biggest and brownest eyes he’s ever seen, he feels the purest form of protection and love for the small boy.

“Can we go play outside?” Apollo asks, his little hand tapping against his leg above the covers.

“It’s a little too early for that I’m afraid.” Blake says. 

The clock shows it’s no later than five am and he knows he should be bringing Apollo back to his room, into his own bed, but he just can’t get himself to do it right now. 

Especially not when tears start welling into the kids eyes at his answer.  


He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it – this part of  _ parenting _ . And yes, that realization hits him hard too. He  _ is _ a parent now. In one way or another, that did work out for him.

“I wanna play, Blakey.”

He almost wants to give in and give the boy what he wants, time and sanity be damned. But he promised Gwen he would help her out with getting Apollo to stay in bed longer. Going out to play with him outside at five am would greatly go against that purpose. 

He shakes his head and prepares to break the little guy’s heart again. 

“Sorry bud, it’s too early. We can play later.

Apollo frowns and looks a few seconds away from crying. Blake thinks fast.

“Your momma is still asleep, you see? You know why that is?” Blake asks.

The question seems to get Apollo’s attention. He shakes his head. 

Blake continues. “That’s because big boys and girls sleep through the night in their own bed. Then when they wake up they have more energy and can play as long as they want. Are you a big boy?”

Apollo claps his hands excitedly and Blake shushes him kindly. 

“I’m a big boy.” Apollo whispers.

Blake hums questionably, faking a doubtful  demeanour. 

“I don’t know.” He says softly. “Are you sure you’re not still little?”

“Not little.” Apollo shakes his head. “I’m big, Blake.” 

“ Are you _really_ sure?” Blake drags out his words. “I don’t know if I believe you.”

“I wanna sleep.” The toddler says suddenly. “I wanna go back to bed Blakey. Just like mommy.”

The pride swelling up in his chest is so evident he can’t help but smile. He doesn’t know how he’s gone this long without expressing his fatherly instincts.

It takes a little bit of coaxing and tucking him in, but Blake manages to get Apollo back to sleep for about two more hours. He crawled back next to Gwen after getting the toddler back into his own bed and smiled when she murmured a groggy thank you. 

“You were awake?” He asks.

She nods slowly. “Not for all of it. Sorry cowboy.”

He can tell she feels guilty for pretending to be asleep and letting him deal with the Apollo situation alone, but he can’t find anything but pure happiness in his heart. Never did he expect to be here with her and it makes him feel ten feet tall to know she trusts him with these kind of situations fully.

“No need to be sorry. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

She cuddles against his side much like Apollo did earlier and he thinks his heart might actually explode out of his chest.

Life is incredibly good right now.

* * *

They’re sitting in her backyard, staring out over the hills of LA and he can tell Gwen’s on edge. This morning had been so great- starting their morning right with a sensual make out before they got up and had breakfast with the kids. All she wanted was for everything to stay that way, but she knew she had to get them ready to go back with their father later. 

Blake stayed back as he knew the situation was delicate and he didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes. Though he honestly didn’t care much for sparing Gavin’s feelings, he _did_ want to make things as easy as he could for Gwen and the kids. After her ex-husband took the children home with him, Gwen had stared at the window for several minutes before Blake gently nudged her and sat with her outside. 

She’s sitting in his arms, her back pressed against his chest.

“I know this is rough for you.” Blake says softly, brushing her hair behind her ear with his finger. “I’m sorry about that darling.”

“I just wanted to have them for a little bit longer.”

“I know.” 

“You’re so good with them. They’ll miss you too, you know?”

The words cause a warmth to spread through his chest like a volcano ready to spill. 

“I’m glad I get to be there for them too.”

She turns around to face him. 

“We are all so lucky.”

Blake grins. “Not as lucky as me, that’s for damn sure.” 

Gwen’s hand cups the side of his face and she bites her lip while taking him in. 

“You know what I just realized?” She asks.

He cocks his head. “No, what’s that?”

“ You never finished what you started this morning.”

“That so?” He teases. “I recall a very lengthy and very  _ sexy _ make out right before we got up actually.”

“Hmmm.” She hums. “A make out isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“You.” She says lowly. “ Inside me. Making me scream.”

A few quiet moments pass before Blake stands up and hauls her up by her thighs until her legs lock around his midsection. Her arms loop around his neck.

He doesn’t stop until he’s back in the bedroom, ready to shut everything else out but them. He lays her back down on the matrass and worships every inch of her body, revealed by stripping her of her clothing slowly.

It’s clear she’s in the mood to take charge a little bit and he lets himself be laid down later, smiling when her slender body crawls on top of him. 

It’s all hot and hazy from there on out. His fingers find a nice grip on her slim hips, digging into her skin as he thrusts up into her. The pace is quick – pent up frustrations about her exploded life and the joy of being intimate together after he got back from another week of being in Oklahoma, spilling out right there in bed with each other. 

Gwen leans back slightly and grips the muscle of Blake’s thigh and he thinks this might be the way he dies. It’s so perfect – so dirty. 

It might be too good, if there’s even such a thing. The longer it goes on, the more energy he seems to get. He feels his control slipping away as he finds his home inside the gorgeous woman on top of him, her muscles closing in around his length. His hand reaches out to rub her clit and Gwen bucks forward with a loud moan, practically falling over his chest before she can catch herself.

Blake chuckles while she holds onto his shoulders for support, her face now buried in his neck. She starts leaning in and pressing slow kisses to his mouth and neck and he knows it won’t be long before they both lose the fight with their pleasure. 

Blake takes advantage of the momentary distraction to slow things down and gets his arms wrapped around her and tips them both sideways. He brings Gwen’s leg up  over his waist and presses in again; the position allowing him to press in so fucking close like this.  


Her eyes roll into the back of her head as she murmurs a few cuss words. The sound of their slick skin sliding together and their soft moans are all that’s audible in the otherwise silent room.  


Gwen clutches his arms and groans when he presses in impossibly deep and slow.

“Oh fuck.” She whimpers.

  
He feels her tremble in his arms while she comes a second later. He holds her through it all and keeps moving his hips, taking every ounce of pleasure from her.

He pulls her in for another kiss, stealing her breath away while she still gasps through her orgasm. He doesn’t care about the kiss being artless and sloppy, he just wants to be even closer to her.

The small hand pressing into the back of his head, demanding more from him, tells him she feels the same way.


	20. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments on this story. It’s been fun writing a multi-chapter fic for once. 
> 
> This last chapter is slightly inspired by the cute park pictures we got over the weekend. I had the last scene in my mind ever since I started writing this story, so it worked out coincidently. Again, thank you all for the support. I hope this ending feels as right to you guys as it does to me.
> 
> \- L.

“They’re taking pictures of us.” 

She tries not to sound too aggravated, knowing this should be a fun  day out for them. Something to take her mind off the tour coming up – which she’s so excited for, but also scared out of her mind about. 

“Let them look.” 

“You would think they’d be over it by now, right?”

She sounds whiney and she almost anticipates the moment Blake looks at her begrudged and tells her to quit it, but it never comes. He just adjusts his hold on her hand and tugs her with him gently.

“I wish.” He says. “If you want me to, I’ll go beat one of ‘em up right now, but I have a feeling it won’t really help us with our problem in the end.”

She chuckles. 

“No cowboy, definitely don’t do that.”

“Want me to go over there and ask them to kindly fuck off?”

She leans into him, her head touching his arm. 

“Don’t you dare let go of my hand.” She says. “I don’t want to share you with anybody  today, you’re all mine.”

Blake’s eyes widen playfully.

“Possessive.”

“ Passionate.” 

He looks down at her with a smile. “How about both?”

  
She shrugs.

“You love it.”

“Damn right, darling. I’m all yours.”

Gwen hums at that, a feeling low in her stomach indicating just how much she needs to hear those words. It’s been such a crazy time in her life and the one thing that’s been consistent has been his love. It’s crazy to see how far they’ve come from that very first roadtrip they took. It all started out as two heartbroken friends needing some distraction and seeking it with each other. Now they’re two slightly broken people who are still recovering from past traumas, who’ve found love with each other.

She smiles when they enter the quieter area of the park, the crisp green grass feeling soft beneath her feet. 

Despite having shaken off a few of the paparazzi that were following them, she still feels a bit on edge when Blake pulls them down to sit and pulls her so impossibly close she’s almost sitting in his lap. 

  
“You okay?” He asks, feeling her tense up. 

“Yeah.”

In spite of her affirmative words, he creates a bit more distance between their bodies and scans their surroundings thoroughly. 

“I don’t see anyone anymore.” He says softly. “It’s okay, no one saw us.” 

She suddenly feels bad for making him feel like she was ashamed of him – of  _ them _ .  


Feeling him so close to her is all she ever wants and she misses his body immediately now he’s scooted away from her a bit. 

She looks up at him to find his gaze already on her, his eyes swimming with an apology she doesn’t want. 

“I’m sorry.” She says softly, running her fingers up and down his wrist. “I just don’t know how to react to all the attention sometimes. It’s a lot.”

Blake’s quiet for several seconds before sighing. 

“I know you’re overwhelmed, Gwen. I wish this thing of ours didn’t complicate things for you even more and I’m just sad that it does. I’m really sorry sweetheart.”

She shakes her head. “Blake, this things we have….it’s the one thing that keeps me going. The one thing that feels good.”

Blake looks at her gratefully but he doesn’t look all the way convinced.

“It’s just hard. I get that.”

She decides to live in the moment, not caring about possibly getting caught in an intimate position with her boyfriend in public. 

Her body moves closer to his again, much like it was before she tensed up and freaked out. Blake seems a bit surprised by her move, especially when she crawls even closer than before and sits between his spread legs, back pressed to his chest. His hands hesitate for a second before sliding over her stomach and protectively stay there. 

“Much better.” She smiles.

She can tell Blake’s smiling too without being able to see his face. 

“Did you ever see us get here?” He asks suddenly.

She leans her head back against his shoulder.

“Together?”

He hums. “Together. Happy. All of it.”

She bites her lip before answering. 

Blake has always been someone she cherished to have found in her life, from the very first moment she saw him. Even before they became friends, there was something inside her that lit up at the realization that she at least _knew_ the guy. 

It had progressed into occasionally lingering a little longer on set to talk to him that first season, to being unable to deny the little flare ups of jealousy whenever the other coaches would talk about how they knew Blake the longest. 

All the way to this moment right here.

“No, it’s pretty crazy.” She admits. “Though I have to say, ever since we started hanging out on set this last season, I knew I could no longer deny the truth.”

“Which was what?”

“That you made me ridiculously happy. Even with all that shit going on, somehow being around you always ended up with me having a serious smile headache afterwards.”

Blake chuckles lowly. “That was my plan all along.” 

“Giving me headaches?” She quips jokingly.

“Making you feel good.” 

The way his voice drops when he says that makes her heart pound out of her chest. Nothing in the world seems to matter in those moments. Nothing but Blake and the way his words and actions make her feel. 

_ Making you feel good. _

He’s done nothing but that ever since they started dating – and way before that too.

“Well, mission accomplished.”

He nuzzles her neck. “I’m glad to hear.”

Out here, right in this moment, she feels completely free. Free to admit that she’s fallen in love, free to kiss and touch and stay hurdled up in each other’s embrace. What will happen when they come home or when she goes on tour just doesn’t matter in this moment. 

“What’s wrong?” Blake asks and she realizes he must’ve misinterpreted her silence. 

“Nothing.” She answers softly. “Everything’s perfect.”

And for now, everything absolutely  _ is._

A few seconds later,  Blake starts placing a series of kisses from her shoulder to her neck. She turns around so she can unbutton a few of buttons on Blake’s shirt, flashing him a sexy smile.  


They both know they won’t take this one very far, since having sex outdoors with the media craziness going on really couldn’t be  _ lower _ on the list of thing they wanted to do. It’s fun to play around a little though and she needs his touch more than anything – she loves how he just knew that.

Gwen pulls him closer by the collar of his shirt and kisses him long and slow. She can tell Blake’s fighting the urge to pull her down with him and push and pull until she’s writhing and gasping underneath him. She loves how expressive he is, even when he’s not saying a word. The grass itches at her knees while she continues to make out with him. Someone on a jog passes by on the sidewalk and Gwen only pushes away then, smiling shyly up at Blake. 

“Guess park sex is out of the question.” He smiles.

Gwen gently slaps his chest. 

“Seriously though.” Blake says, cupping the side of her face. “Do you have any idea about what you do to me? Not only like this, but just in general. How much lighter and happier my life has been these past few months since you’ve been it?”

Just like that, he changes her mood from wanting to jump him to wanting to crawl into his chest and bawl her eyes out with gratitude.

Her watery eyes bore into his while she holds on to him. 

“Where did that just come from?” She rasps. “You can’t say stuff like that to me and expect me not to cry.”

“Then cry.” He shrugs. “I don’t care as long as they’re happy tears. You know you don’t have to hold back with me, ever.”

There’s so much she wants to say to that but she’s never been good at finding her words when she’s feeling emotional. She wants to show him instead of tell him, but before she can even demand another kiss from him, he’s leaning forward to do so himself. 

He kisses her forehead first and then tilts her head so he can find her lips more easily. It all still feels so new- she still gets that electrifying feeling in her stomach whenever she kisses him. She secretly hopes that feeling will never go away, even when it all becomes familiar. 

She has a hopeful feeling that it won’t.

“Blake?” She whispers against his lips before pulling back.

“Yeah, darling?”

She can tell he’s surprised by her pulling away, part of him probably also a little disappointed though he doesn’t let that show.

“ You think tour is gonna be a good thing for me?” She waits a few seconds. “For us?”

The addition to her question makes his brow raise. 

“Why would you ask that, Gwen?”

His finger gently strokes her cheek, urging her to open up to him. 

“It’s just been such a long time since I last went on tour and so much in my life has changed. I don’t want this tour to disrupt anything. I don’t want it to be an epic fail either.”

She didn’t mean to interrupt their make out session with a bunch of insecurities, but being _this_ close to Blake always demands the purest form of honesty from her. Even when it’s uncomfortable in its timing.

“First of all, it will not be an  _ epic fail _ . It could never be, because you’re Gwen Stefani. Secondly, do you feel like tour will somehow disrupt  what we have?”

Gwen bites her lip.

“I just don’t want to stop investing as much time in this as we’ve been doing. I love what we’ve got going; I’m just scared of things changing.”

Blake smiles. “Honey, things won’t always stay the same. They don’t have to,  this will still be great.”

“I just don’t want you to resent me.”

“Baby…” He whispers as he leans in for another soft kiss. “I love that you’re going back out on the road.  You’re an incredible artist who’s been super important for music in general. It would be a great disservice to yourself and your fans to not go and have that experience again. How could I ever possibly resent you for doing what comes so natural to you? It’s what you were born to do.”

She’s crying again and this time she doesn’t even try to hold back her tears. 

“Thank you so much.” She chokes out. “You’re so incredible, Blake. You don’t even know how much.”

“I’m your biggest fan, Gwen.” He says honestly. “And when you go out on that tour, best believe I’ll be there as much as I can, to watch you mesmerize these people time and time again.”

She shakes her head in awe, leaning in for another kiss.

“I really wish we weren’t out in public right now.” She mumbles before softly nibbling at his lip. 

Blake laughs lowly. “How about you save that thought for later then?”

He gives her a mischievous look, followed by an intense stare that doesn’t do anything to mask his arousal.

“I sure will.” She giggles.

Something in his eyes changes from hot to sweet i n a matter of minutes, his hand toying with the top of her finger. 

“You have another week before tour starts, right?”

Gwen frowns before nodding.

“Yeah, why?”

His eyes sparkle with something familiar.

“How about another roadtrip?”


End file.
